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NEWS & FORTEANA

What is all this Black Friday bollocks?

By pretender to the Swedish crown Lomgard Uttatoss

Posted November 27, 2015
What is all this Black Friday bollocks?
Pounds and pounds and pounds: Of soul-destroying shit. © Ignatius Rake

Pretender to the Swedish crown Lomgard Uttatoss ain't impressed by all this Black Friday bollocks.



What the fuck is Black Friday?

Yeah, I understand it's some stupid ploy by retailers in the US to strip cash from the gullible under the pretence they're getting a bargain when actually they're simply being induced to debase themselves like self-sacrificing sheep upon the alter of mindless consumerism, but why the fuck have retailers in the UK started going on about it as if it's some fucking great British institution as well?

Oh yeah, it's some stupid ploy by retailers in the UK to strip cash from the gullible under the pretence they're getting a bargain when actually they're simply being induced to debase themselves like self-sacrificing sheep upon the alter of mindless consumerism.


PR CRAP
What really fucks me off, though, is the way all this insidious PR crap and the PR-crap-fuelled media bang on about it like it's a fucking tradition here.

It's not.

It's some recently imported contrivance to strip cash from the gullible under the pretence they're getting a bargain when actually they're simply being induced to debase themselves like self-sacrificing sheep upon the alter of mindless consumerism.

So wake the fuck up.

Can't you see their playing your strings like a bad violin?

Throw the peasants some scraps and see how they fight over them so.

The'll be letting us eat cake next.

Black Friday?

It even sounds evil, like a massacre or a fucking stock market crash.


Chief hack's note: Cheers, Lomgard. Still taking the happy pills, then? "Being induced to debase themselves like self-sacrificing sheep upon the alter of mindless consumerism"? What on Earth could you mean?

Anyway, here's some footage of Black Friday in the UK. Filmed last year (when this imported twatathon suddenly became a thing we've apparently all been doing since the 1300s), the first is embedded here on the I-really-can't-be-fucked-to-go-shopping-no-matter-what-the-media-says-tastic
Rake & Herald from Joseph Morris' YouTube channel, which you can check out here (although it looks pretty awful to be honest).

The second, meanwhile, comes from
NTDTV's channel. I recommend you watch it because while you'll likely recognise some of the footage from the first vid, it clearly demonstrates how the media manipulates the news and the viewers' perception thereof.

Whereas the first vid is all intense close action, the second uses wider angles that reveal the apparent fight-to-the-death in question for what it really is, viz a small number of gullible people being induced to debase themselves like self-sacrificing sheep upon the alter of mindless consumerism.

Importantly, keep your eyes peeled on the press pack: the number of cameras filming the mêlée pretty much outnumber those actually being filmed. It is doubtful whether this fact was reported much at the time, but then the media don't really like you seeing the bigger picture, do they? And why were they all there in the first place? PR stunt, anyone?

But what seems to be the most must-fight-like-an-animal-for item? Hmm. Flat-screen TVs on which to watch yet more perception-manipulating media. Now, is that irony or just downright depressing? And people wonder why we have wars.

By the way, it should be noted that the first vid has a slightly misleading title. The 'Walmart' bit refers to the Leeds-headquartered ASDA supermarket chain, which was bought by US-based Wal-Mart Stores (a key player in the importation of Black Friday to the UK) in 1999 for £6.7bn ($10.1bn). I know. I used to stack shelves in one. And no, there was no such thing as Black Friday in Britain back then. That appeared out of the blue as an ancient annual rite last year. Anyone wanna buy a cheap tele? The ads on it look great!








See also TV is shit, posted 24/5/14.


Lomgard Uttatoss
once drank his own body weight in dog milk. He claims to come from Västerås, where "every bar is rock bar", but I've never heard him speak Swedish once.



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