Adverts, innum?


UK spends £22m on dog shit

By crime editor Dick Rampant

Posted October 14, 2013
a dog dumping on a bee
Caught in the act: A dog about to shit on a bee. (Check bottom for credit)

Tougher measures demanded for c--ts who let their dogs shit everywhere.

Each year the UK spends a "staggering" £22m cleaning up dog eggs, says UK business waste company

"It's clear that on-the-spot fines aren't working and further steps must be taken," managing director Mark Hall says in a press release.

With an estimated 7.4m cable-laying barking machines shitting all over the place, the company estimates that issuing every owner of with a couple of biodegradable dirty spine bags a day would only come to £13.5m.

"However, we're more than aware that the most unsightly offenders are those who use poop bags then just leave them lying around," Hall continues.

"That's why we need more dog fouling convictions."

According to the press release, the company "has monitored press reports on dog fouling for some time and is convinced that court convictions and on-the-spot fines are the exception rather than the rule".

This the company puts down to a "lack of staff numbers as councils tighten their budgets".

"Often, it's a job for the dog warden, with one person covering an entire town," he says.

"It's a huge public health problem and a battle that's currently being lost."

"There are powers in place but court convictions are very rare."

"Even if a local council has a dog mess 'hit squad' in place, they don't seem to have the resources to act."

a trident missile yesterday
Time to get tough: A Trident missile yesterday. (Check bottom for credit)

As well as giving on-the-spot fining powers to PCSOs, traffic wardens and "any council official", also wants to see "an increase in typical fines to over £100" and "the publishing of photos, names and addresses in local media to shame irresponsible pet owners".

F--k that.

Given that one Trident nuclear missile costs just £16.8m, I say nuke the c--ts.

Either that or they should have their faces rubbed in each and every length of hound rope they let their barkers squeeze out their arses.

"You often hear the words 'Think of the children' when it comes to any urgent issue," says Hall.

"But with toxocariasis, it is genuinely the very young that are most at risk."


The irresponsible dog owners, that is.

Not the very young.

Unless, of course, they grow up to be the sort of antisocial shits that let their mutts crap everywhere.

In which case, nuke the bastards.

See also St Austell bin "best in world", posted 18/9/13.

Picture credits

Top and thumb: A dog about to drop an egg by Eva holderegger walser.

Bottom: A Trident missile by the US Air Force.

For licensing information click the above links.

Share this story, yeah?


Coppers and cars

coppers and cars

Newquay taxi driver Sherbet Trotter drops off some tasty tips on how to improve the police.

Look at me!

selfies are rubbish

Selfie-obsessed narcissist Sandra Pissflaps has just posted another picture of herself on every social media site imaginable.

Big black beast stalks Cornish wood

Mystery beast stalks St Austell wood, local councillor warns.

Phantom animal seen near St Austell, local councillor warns.