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MUSIC & ART

"New Banksy" hits Lisburn

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted February 18, 2013
new banksy in Lisburn northern ireland much better than Au Naturel by sarah lucas
Better than Sarah Lucas: The latest thought-provoking piece by Toy. © Carpathian Mountainsausage

New "New Banksy" piece 'Cock and Norks' set to challenge accepted notions of gender. Bus station dynamited.


Toy, the Portuguese street artist heralded as "the new Banksy" even though he can't paint or draw for toffee, has stunned the world yet again, this time defacing a sign at a bus station in Lisburn, Northern Ireland.

"Using a black marker pen and very little skill, Toy has once more challenged all of us to question who we are, why we are here and what it means to be human," posh critic and pompous prick Carpathian Mountainsausage told a packed press conference with his bank manager Wednesday.


banksy Slave Labour (Bunting Boy) sold for £750,000 at auction in London
Haunting qualities: 'Cock and Norks' in detail. © Carpathian Mountainsausage


TITTY NIPS
"More specifically," Mountainsausage continued, "the eloquent juxtaposition of oversized male genitalia with some poorly rendered ladies titty nips forces us to fundamentally reassess our notions of gender, sexuality and whether you need any talent to be a successful artist these days."

"I know Sarah Lucas has consistently proven that talent need not be an obstacle but even she couldn't draw a pair of jubblies so crudely and still get away with it."

"Although, come to think of it, maybe she could."

"After all, she got away with Au Naturel in 1994 and that's just f--king rubbish."

Within minutes of the announcement billionaire art collector Gerald Scaartplug had paid someone to remove the piece and then dynamite the bus station where it had been found.

He then transferred more than £15m into Mountainsausage's favourite bank account in the Cayman Islands, where it will be well looked after by a fleet of jets.

"It's a pity because that bus station was my only means of getting to work and providing for my family," says anonymous local man Tommy McAnonymous.

"Still, you can't stand in the way of art and that Scaartplug fella's promised to exhibit the piece in one of his mansions in Monaco so it's not as if the people here are going to miss out."

"I like the toes and the leg hairs."

"They have a very haunting quality."

"Unlike Au Naturel, which is just f--king shit."


REAL BANKSY, REAL PRESS RELEASE
In other news, we have now received a press release from Dublin-headquartered bookmakers Paddy Power informing us that it has "opened the betting on how much a Banksy painting [entitled Slave Labour (Bunting Boy)] will sell for after it was put up for auction on an American website".

"The work, which was removed from the side of a Poundland shop in [Wood Green,] North London, is a 10/11 shot to sell for between $500,000 [£323,300] and $750,000", the press release states, adding that $750,000 to $1m is "considered the next most likely region at 5/2".

At the same time, the company "is also offering odds of 8/1 on the acclaimed graffiti artist revealing his identity in 2013 while it's 9/2 for the piece to be returned to its original Wood Green site" and 1/8 that it won't.

Here are the full odds Paddy Power is offering with regard to the sale, set to take place this coming February 23:


11/2: Less than $500,000;

10/11: $500,000 to $750,000;

5/2: $750,000 to $1,000,000; and

4/1: More than $1m.


Meanwhile, if you want to have a quick ogle of Slave Labour (Bunting Boy) and maybe even put in a bid yourself, have a click of this.

We at the Rake & Herald, Europe's leading source of art news and betting tactics, recommend making a bid of at least $20m and then slapping on a bet of 30p that it'll fetch less than $500,000.

That way, you can't lose whatever the outcome.

What's more, once you've bought the Banksy piece in question, promptly return it to the Poundland in Wood Green, making sure you've also placed a bet of about £1.32 that it won't be.

Again, you hedge your bets just in case you change your mind.

Simple.

I'd've thought that was obvious.


REAL BANKSY AUCTION/IRONY UPDATE: SLAVE LABOUR COSTS A PACKET



In the end that bit of criminal damage, which may or may not have been committed by Banksy as it is yet to be verified by Pest Control, came in at 4/1, albeit not in Miami but at a subsequent sale in the Great Wen after protests put the kibosh on the Florida flog-off.

As detailed without any sense of irony whatsoever in contemporary art journal/freebie newspaper the Metro, the piece ultimately fetched "more than £750,000" ($1.2m) at a "three-and-a-half hour silent auction".

Scaartplug apparently offered twice as much.

However, two hours in, he farted and got disqualified.


See also "New Banksy" strikes again, posted 27/7/12.



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