Sunday April 23, 2017
Street artist steals hearts with latest portrait. One woman dead.
Portuguese street artist Toy, heralded the world over as "the New Banksy", has unveiled his latest piece scrawled on some kind of junction box thing near the Ormeau Road in South Belfast.
Simply entitled Face with a Rusty Tear, the marker-pen-on-metal masterpiece depicts a face with a rusty tear.
And the critics love it!
"Everyone knows that it is near impossible to draw a human face," posh critic and pompous prick Carpathian Mountainsausage told a packed press conference with his bank manager Wednesday.
"Picasso came close when he did that one with the eyes all over the place but sadly he got the nose wrong."
"Other than that I can't think of anyone who could possibly hold a candle to Toy's latest ode to human suffering."
"By sticking one eye on a stalk and juxtaposing the whole composition with the word 'lemon' and some purple squiggles, he encapsulates the existential terror of the masses as they ponder their ephemeral being in a world of change, a multiverse of uncertainty."
"He captures the very soul of the poor as they lurk amid the spiritual emptiness of rampant consumerism and meaningless materialism."
"We want at least 500k."
Face with a Rusty Tear quickly sold for £32m, bought by billionaire art collector Gerald Scaartplug, who then slipped some kids a fiver to yank it off the wall with a spanner.
Essential services have now returned to the area but only after one elderly resident died of shock.
"That was my favourite junction box thing in the whole world ever," she told the Rake & Herald by telephone.
"Still, I'm dead now so I just want to get on with my life."
Scaartplug intends to exhibit the piece in his private bank vault in Switzerland.
See also "New Banksy" hits Lisburn, posted 18/2/13.
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