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NEWS & FORTEANA

Man wins tennis match

By society editor Wolfgang Bang

Posted July 10, 2013
murray wins wimbledon or something
Tennis: Or something. Yesterday. (Check bottom for credit)

Some bloke has won a tennis match or something. Wolfgang Bang's well impressed. So are our lawyers.


It's Murray mania!

Reasons not to be bothered with tennis:

1) It's egotistical.

2) It's boring.

3) [Omitted for legal reasons] resembles TCP and cat's piss. And [omitted for legal reasons] makes it look like someone's squirted dysentery in a jug and chilled it.

4) [Omitted for legal reasons]. Nah, it's a Swedish porn mag. Ja! Uoopschlok min gros pekka! Ja! Ja! Urrrrgh! Ja!

5) Spectators look left then right then left then right then 40 love.

6) [Omitted for legal reasons] "Extraordinary scenes here at Centre Court as [omitted for legal reasons] leaps from the crowd stark bollock naked, pursued by two very angry sisters until they smash his erection flat and traumatise the ball boy with an underhand smash that leaves the stands covered with pubic fuzz…"

Tennis.

The drama.

The action.

[Omitted for legal reasons]'s one night stands with women packing turkey basters and no gag reflex.

Yeah, great.

Andy Murray, you can keep your silly French game.

And you look like an Adam's apple on stilts.


See also Glastonbury bollocks fair, posted 29/6/13.


Wolfgang Bang
is a former skate punk who dropped the skateboard but remains reliably enraged by various aspects of modern culture. His oaths and verbal abuse still echo around the fashionable Portobello Road area of West London. His hobbies include long-range outdoor drinking, cooking and modern history. He spends much of his time in a hedge with an air rifle, waiting for the rabbits of mass media to pop out of their burrows and graze on the sweet grass of empty promises.


Picture credit

Top and thumb: Tennis or something by Misak113.

For licensing information click the above link.


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