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Man loses jumper

By crime editor Dick Rampant

Posted April 03, 2018
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On the case: Dick Rampant yesterday. © Ignatius Rake

Sweater theft shakes Cork.

According to reports coming out of Cork, a man has lost his jumper.

It appears the man was dancing in a disco when the suspected crime occurred, although he is certain he had in the toilet.

It is understood that the item in question was freshly bought, made of "pure new wool" and featured "perfect stitches".

Consequently, it was not the type of jumper "that makes you itches".

Compounding his loss, the man believes his mother, brother, girlfriend and dog will now all be very angry.

Here's the Sultans of Ping FC with more on that story.

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The criminal's nemesis: Fight crime by ordering your Dick Rampant T-shirt today. © Ignatius Rake

See also Spam theft rocks Hawaii, posted 19/10/17.

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