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Japan unleashes Super Monster Wolf

By guest editor Richard Caldwell

Posted August 03, 2017
japan's super monster wolf
Bot in wolf's clothing: Super Monster Wolf poses for the cameras. © Japan News/Yomiuri Shimbun

Japanese firm develops animatronic wolf to scare the living crap out of local wildlife. Richard Caldwell reports.

An Hokkaido-based company is testing non-radiated waters with its new wolf-like robot abomination, purportedly to strike fear into the hearts of wildlife encroaching onto the lands of otherwise helpless farmers, but ideally to round up the last of Philip K Dick's electric sheep.

Armed with infrared sensors and flashing LED eyes, a telecommunications deck for receiving the cries of boys and possibly Tesla-coiled death-rays as well because why the hell not, the initial lone drone furry automaton has already gone on trial runs around Kisarazu in Japan's Chiba Prefecture, a region apparently plagued by bears, deer, Pokémon and drunken US servicemen straying from Okinawa.

the japanese super wolf monster
And here it is again: Super Monster Wolf in its full glory. © Japan News/Yomiuri Shimbun

One city official was quoted by the Japan News/Yomiuri Shimbun as saying: "There have been no signs of wild animals or birds nearby since Super Monster Wolf was installed on July 11."

Of the extant wolven deities, neither the Inuit Amarok or the Turkic Asena were willing to comment on the blasphemy of this developing story, although the Wolf of Gubbio was expectantly open-handed in response, while the aging Fenrisúlfr just cried and howled until the Wild Huntsmen appeared and frightened this reporter off into Rushdie-levels of hiding.

The unnamed company behind the beast plans to roll out additional lycanthro-droids later this year, but at the king’s ransom of ¥200,000 (£1,400; $1,800) per unit most farmers will probably need to rely on the old standby of scarecrows, loudly-jammed death metal and protective offerings made to the tribal, half-wolf Ainu peoples.

Cheers, Richard. Man, I love Japan. Sounds like something straight out of Spectreman. And for anyone in any doubt, yes this is a true story. Click this if you don't believe me. But does it have power from space and will it save the human race? Spectreman does.

See also Dalí's incorruptible moustache, posted 2/8/17.

Richard Caldwell
used to write for the now sadly defunct New Comics Day. Fortunately, his writings still abound elsewhere on the interweb, such as on his flippin' ace blog that you are strongly advised to check out here.

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