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Humanzee goes ape shit in shop

Newswire/FDC, Paris

Posted March 04, 2013
Humanzee ape shit shop half man half chimp newsreader Abkhazia Soviet human/ape hybridisation artificial insemination board of trade Shoes ruined

Human-chimp hybrid goes well radge in high street retail outlet. Shoes ruined. Spanner involved.

MAGNITOGORSK, March 4 (FDC) – Biggles, Abkhazia's favourite half-man half-chimp hybrid newsreader, has gone "bat-shit ape shit" in a shop, the Soviet news agency TASS reports.

"He was wanting to buy a packet of biscuits to shove up his arse," eye witness Anatoly Igoravich Expletive told secret police informers.

"But they only had raisins so he went nuts."

"I had to hit him in the cock with a spanner."

"Six times."

"My shoes are ruined."

In other news, Chuckles, the West Midlands' favourite human head/ape body transplant victim, has been elected to the 19th century Board of Trade.

The artificial insemination of women with monkey spunk will begin this Thursday.

To find out more about Soviet human/ape hybridisation schemes, have a watch of this we found on YouTube here.

Reporting: Henri Luc Bitte. Editing: Mamelon Poilue.

© 2013 L'Agence Presse Fontaine des Conneries (FDC) under exclusive licence to the Rake & Herald. No part of this report may partake in reproduction without partner's written consent.

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