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Goodbye Google Glass, hello Vyclops

By R&H professor Mr Swellmons

Posted December 02, 2015
Chinese tech firm launches Vyclops smart glasses
Vyclops smart glasses: The latest in Chinese techno wizardry. © Ignatius Rake

Chinese tech firm launches revolutionary smart glasses.

Beijing-based Jībā launched their latest product yesterday (1/12/15), a piece of tech eyewear, in an attempt to steal the thunder from Google's discontinued Glass headset.

The Vyclops, which like Google Glass resembles a pair of spectacles, incorporates a miniature projector on a snake-like adjustable metal arm which can stream video straight onto the wearers own face.

Jībā president and CEO Yín Chóng unveiled the device to a rapturous press reception in the Chinese capital.

"Vyclops can be used to project information during face-to-face interactions much faster than has previously been possible," Chóng said.

"One can display links and references to back up your opinions during the flow of conversation, or stream the latest YouTube fail compilation while you are telling your friend about it."

"The device comes bundled with our free Vemotions software."

"This includes pre-recorded footage of emotional states that you can project onto your own face if you are unable to conjure up a socially acceptable response."

"So, for example, if your boss tells you a joke you've heard a million times before you can project laughter onto your own face."

"Miserable people at parties can sit there smiling without making any effort at all."

"And you can also project tears rolling down your face, for when someone tells you something that is supposed to make you feel sad but about which you really couldn't give a fuck."

Vyclops retails at $800 (£535).

See also Rocket of Shit, posted 4/8/15, among others.

Mr Swellmons
lives in the West Midlands. His hobbies include beer.

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