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NEWS & FORTEANA

Four lads from Liverpool

By R&H taxi columnist Sherbet Trotter

Posted July 27, 2015
four lads from liverpool looking for talent in newquay

For a while, Newquay had a gay bar...


It was one of the Corkers bars that had changed its name, but with the weekend population heavily weighted towards the stags, football tours and beanos, it did not see the test of time.

One Sunday afternoon about 5pm, it's a pick up in Fore Street.

Out of Queens they staggered like a poor woman's Take That, all sparkly jerkins, bare chests, board shorts and trainers.

Into the cab they clamber.


LOCAL TALENT
"Oi, oi, Drive, back to Trenance Caravan Park."

A quick five-minute journey that would turn into an all-out slanging match between these four lads within four minutes.

"Where's good tonight then, Drive?" one asked.

"What you after?"

"Local talent."

Now, I knew what they meant, the female species, and these lads were as straight as they come, but I quickly guessed that they didn't know they had been in a gay bar, so it's time for fun.

"It's back to Queens, I guess."

"What? There must be other clubs."

"Well, there are, but you won't find a lot of gay guys in them. It's a bit heavily weighted prejudice-wise, if you know what I mean."

"What? We're not gay!" says one, raising his voice as he broadens his shoulders.

"No need to hide it, lads. You've come out of Queens and you look like extras from a Village People film with your jerkins on."

"What?"

"Well, you've been in the only gay bar."

"Fuck off, you're having a laugh!"

I nodded my head from side to side.


IN THE NAVY
Then the penny drops.

They start between themselves.

"No wonder they were all up dancing with us."

"You are joking, Drive. We've been fucking dancing all afternoon. We just thought everybody was just partying."

"I just thought that the women dancing together were mates."

"You was the one singing In the Navy and showing off your dance moves, showing off your abs."

"Then we were all singing Can't Take My Eyes Off You by Boys Town Gang as we strutted around the bar."

I stop, they bundle out, one of them gives me a fiver.

Off they trot, pushing and shoving each other up the hill.

I never did find out where they went that night.


Chief hack's note: Dancing by the looks of it. Well, two of them anyway. And here they are now, embedded on the taxi-tastic Rake & Herald from Card AndrewDj's YouTube channel, which you can check out here. Nice jerkins, lads.




See also I've got money back in my caravan, posted 25/6/15.


Sherbet Trotter
is a Newquay, Cornwall-based taxi driver who writes books, films and songs and who gave that Rake bloke a lift the other day. We liked the cut of his jib so we immediately gave him a column.



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