Adverts, innum?
gif walk


Firework up arse update

By crime editor Dick Rampant

Posted September 16, 2012
arse firework update australia suspect escapes electric chair
Ring stinger: Fireworks and freckles don't mix. (Check bottom for credit)

That antipodean chap who stuck a firework up his bumhole has been let off a fine of nearly 200 nicker, local media report.

Twenty-three-year-old Alex Bowden from the Darwin suburb of Wagaman in Australia's Northern Territory stunned the world this past July when he shoved a Spinning Bee firecracker up his nipsy and got his mate to light it in contravention of the law.

Some called his backfiring backside bombardment a legitimate protest against a cruel Darwin city ordinance that forbids the discharging of UN Class 1 explosives up one's council gritter any time other than the July 1 state holiday known as Territory Day.

Others, however, saw Bowden's stunt as a rebellious act of sedition worthy of the electric chair.

Such people, while probably few in number, were no doubt pleased to learn that Bowden's audacious crime, committed at a party where alcohol was consumed and music probably played, had left him with burnt buttocks and fingers, although they were no doubt dispirited to hear his notcher, clockweights and ball snorkel all escaped unharmed.

It is not known whether he singed his ring or not.

From media reports emanating out of Australia, however, it appears that Bowden has escaped the full weight of the law and the potential maximum fine of A$282 (£183) for his anal artillery antics.

"We believe he has suffered enough in relation to firecrackers," Acting Senior Sergeant Crispin Gargan of the local plod is quoted by NT News as saying.

"He has learnt his lesson and was given a caution."

However, when initially interviewed by the same local news organ from his bed in the Royal Darwin Hospital, Bowden, who freely admitted inserting the offending item up his balloon knot without duress, appeared unrepentant.

"I had a few lads up from Queensland and I had to put on a good show," he reportedly said, adding: "I just had a few beers with the boys and let off a few firecrackers."

"And I put one in my arse."

His mother, he asserted, found his heinous transgression amusing.

The fate of his accomplice who lit the fuse has not been divulged.

See also Fire in the hole!, posted 1/8/12.

The Rake & Herald does not advise the insertion and detonation of explosives in or around any arse, alive or dead, even though a hand grenade up Bono's gravy machine could probably pass as artistic criticism.

Picture credit

Top and thumb: A firecracker detonating by Sebastian Ritter; rejigged by Ignatius Rake.

For licensing information click the above link.

Share this story, yeah?


My mobile's in your cab!

My mobile's in your cab!

Can't find your phone? It must be in that taxi you took.

Darwin reincarnates, tantrum ensues

Darwin reincarnates as a monkey

Did Darwin reincarnate as a monkey only to kill a priest in India? Richard Caldwell investigates.

Black pudding chucker charged

black pudding scottish breakfast

A 47-year-old man has appeared in a Scottish court charged with aggressively throwing a black pudding.