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F--king talking

By media & marketing editor Tabor Creative

Posted July 04, 2012
corporations trying to talk to you like they are your friends annoys tabor creative
Just one of the lads: Faceless corporations want to join the conversation. (Check bottom for credits)

Aren't brands ace? Especially when they try to talk to you as if they were a) a person and b) a person you could trust.

Man has something over other creatures on this Godforsaken rock of ours.

I mean if you disregard our total lack of understanding about nature, science and what the actual f--k is going on, it's clear that man is f--king awesome.

And our lexicon is testament to that.

Plus every now and again you see a good poster and think "F--king hey, wouldn't mind seeing that" then forgetting.

Posters do that.

God, I wish they could change.

New words and expressions are popping up quicker than a glitter cock in a school and it's brilliant, isn't it?

People continually talking and updating each other on what they are doing – using new platforms, words, expressions, emoticons.

It's a f--king whirlwind of fun.

I can't wait until we all live in one house and watch each other shit into pipes.

That's about four years away, FYI.

It's a f--king disgrace.

Humans have a small amount of time on this rock of ours and we spend huge amounts of time talking to people we don't know about shit that no one really cares about.

I mean we have an intrinsic reflex to communicate and self-express and that truly is the gift/curse of humanness.

Without this curse we wouldn't have music, art or cancer.

I get it.

So what's my point?

(There isn't one.)

Oh, the f--king problem is that brands think they can join in the conversation.

Yeah, you heard me.

Brands want to talk to you.

Can you f--king imagine anything worse?

There seems to be this belief that big-name brands from national airlines and oil and gas producers to mobile bloody phone operators have:

1) anything meaningful to say; and

2) nothing to hide.

Let's take [a certain well-known mobile phone operator] as an example.

Does anyone want to hear what [an allegedly] tax-dodging huge multinational mobile service provider has to say?

Imagine the hive mind of [that certain allegedly tax-dodging well-known mobile phone operator] in a pub.

Talking nicely, itching to talk about its prices, its tariffs and how f--king amazing it is.

In a pub that person is known as a c--t.

You see that's the problem.


F--king brands.

Thinking it's right and proper to join in an already flawed and bullshit discussion.

I have some advice they can have for free.


Take heed.

1) If you dodge taxes, employ foreign workers to protect your profit yield and are at the mercy of evil greedy shareholders and hedge funds: SHUT THE F--K UP.

2) If you think you can become popular or that talking to us or making funny videos will change the fact that you are a faceless greedy selfish group of f--ks: SHUT THE F--K UP.

3) If you want to talk to us, try this: Do business differently; tell shareholders to f--k off; look after the environment; be open; honest; make money and be OK about it.

The world is continually changing and one change I would love is for brands to say loads less and when they do talk be nice and genuine.

Until then, f--k the police, yeah?

See also Of pigeons and pigs, posted 10/6/12.

Picture credits

Top and thumb: Illustration by Ignatius Rake using original images by Peter Klashorst; Gabriel Liljevall; TexasRebel; and

For licensing information click the above links.

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