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MUSIC & ART

Does Morrissey matter?

By society editor Wolfgang Bang

Posted April 13, 2013
morrissey convention in dublin poster
Leading question: The presumptuous poster at the heart of the storm. © DJ NRG Raver

Piqued by a poster for a Mozzer convention in Dublin, we asked skate punk Wolfgang Bang what he thought. This is what he said...


Kim Jong-un was a moody teenager who loved the Smiths.

He even copied Morrissey's hairstyle.

But he was wrongly hated by everybody on his estate for having gulags and nuclear tractor factories.

"Those chavvy bastards eat junk food all the time," he squealed.

"I hate them."

So he threatened to set off fireworks in their gardens.


THE QUEEN IS DEAD
Then the neighbours started getting pissed right off with the little twat.

Ping the Panda had a magic economy and lamented this regrettable behaviour, all the while massing tank battalions by the garden wall separating them.

Yankee Doodle put anti-firework buckets of water out and Boris the Bear started growling.

So young Kim ran to his bedroom and played The Queen is Dead and wrote poetry, knowing that his blitzkrieg would run up against a wall of supermarkets and noodle shops that his men could never overcome.

They would gorge themselves and get pissed on SCOTCH WHISKY! before wondering why their fearless leader was so fat.

They would beat him up and call him a poofy liar.

Now that Manchester police have classed assaults against subcultures like punks and goths hate crimes, we should be thankful that someone will stand up for Kim and his Orwellian, militaristic, gulag-ridden shithole.


Thanks, Bang. So is that a yes or a no?


If you're a Smithsy type of Moz fan and fancy going to the poster-proclaimed bash this coming April 17 at Dublin's Sugar Club, have a click of this. I would myself but I haven't got a stitch to wear.


See also Maggie Thatcher snuffs it, posted 8/4/13.


Wolfgang Bang
is a former skate punk who dropped the skateboard but remains reliably enraged by various aspects of modern culture. His oaths and verbal abuse still echo around the fashionable Portobello Road area of West London. His hobbies include long-range outdoor drinking, cooking and modern history. He spends much of his time in a hedge with an air rifle, waiting for the rabbits of mass media to pop out of their burrows and graze on the sweet grass of empty promises.



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