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NEWS & FORTEANA

Breaking Bad Cornish Edition

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted May 08, 2014
Bude, Cornwall
Hey, Bude: Take a small town and make it better. (Check bottom for credit)

Colin Leggo's latest documentary details the drama of one man's battle to save his beloved Cornwall from up-country trickery, greed and legal loopholes.


When the Cornish people were officially granted minority status by them lot up Lunnun this past April 24, there was an unprecedented outpouring of joy across the entire known world, plus other parts beyond Cornwall as well.

However, as detailed in Colin Leggo's latest gritty exposé, there's no such thing as a free cream tea.


CRAFTY BUGGERS
Them's crafty buggers up Whitehall, see, and so, in a desperate attempt to wriggle out of their commitments and simultaneously nick a quick quid or two, them Lunnun types then announced that only a people with at least two cities to their name could be a true minority in the eyes of their law.

Cartographers, geographers and pub regulars alike were quickly drafted in across the Duchy, itself now recognised as the poorest part of the UK, to appraise the situation.

And trust me, it didn't look good.

Much to everyone's astonishment, it turned out that Par wasn't actually a city after all.

Only Truro, it transpired, could be classed as one on account of it having one of them big church things and a proper bookshop, something that quickly ruled out St Austell's bid for cityhood.

The world held its breath.

Suddenly, it seemed that Cornwall's hard-won victory was about to crumble to nothing, like a sea-battered sandcastle in the shape of a standing cock.



Par, Cornwall
Par: Apparently, it's not a city so they reckon. (Check bottom for credit)


DARKEST HOUR
Worse still, a closer reading of the minority declaration revealed a legal loophole whereby Cornwall, lacking a second city, could now be bought by "any part of the UK", including England.

Without doubt, it was the Cornish people's darkest hour since the Battle of Hingston Down in 838.

Who could possibly save them now?

Step forward Frank Trebilcock, a man who would not rest until he had turned his native town of Bude into a city to rival the splendour of Bradford or Rome.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Or in this case, another top-notch piece of cutting-edge journalism from the lens of Colin Leggo.

Watch it now.

T'is bleddy smart, be.

And what's more, it's all f--kin' true, I tell ee.




The above video is embedded on the Rake & Herald from Colin Leggo's Oscar-worthy YouTube channel that you can and must have a mooch round here. Then, when you've done that, why not follow Colin on FaceBook and Twitter if you're into that sort of thing? Go on. We bleddy do.


See also Planet Cornwall, posted 3/4/14, and Cornwall poorer than Poland, posted 7/5/14, among many others.


Sandi Toxic
was raised by wolves inside a disused clay pit near Lanjeth. You can befriend her on FaceBook here. She is still quite feral.


Picture credits

Top and thumb: Illustration by Ignatius Rake using original images by Lewis Clarke; Geoff Barker; powerbooktrance; and AMC/Fleshgrinder.

Bottom: Par Post Office by Dr Neil Clifton.

For licensing information click the above links.


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