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NEWS & FORTEANA

Bog roll bandit banged to rights

By crime editor Dick Rampant

Posted August 22, 2012
arsewipe bum wad shit tickets
Arsewipe: Is a clean clackervalve really a crime? © Ignatius Rake

A man has been nicked in the Polish city of Gdańsk simply because he needed to wipe his arse.


It appears that a 29-year-old male from some place called Tczew was so desperately in need of finding something with which to clean his crack that he was compelled to break into a house by climbing in through a balcony.

Clearly confused by what scientists term 'blind bum wad panic', the man then began rifling through some drawers before being disturbed by the home-owner whose shit tickets he craved.

When challenged, he explained that he was simply looking for toilet paper.

However, unsympathetic coppers leapt to the conclusion that the man was a common burglar, even though the New Poland Express reports that this was not the first time he had been driven to look for bog roll inside somebody else's house.

It is not clear whether his trousers and cacks were round his ankles at the time of his discovery but it is believed that his defence in court could be hampered if they weren't.

He now faces the possibility of a 10-year stretch in chokey.

The state of the man's arse cleft remains a mystery.


See also Toxic Tush fingered by fuzz, posted 2/8/12.



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