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Yarmouth Five-O

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted January 22, 2015
Yarmouth Five-O by Splodgenessabounds

This week's single of the month is 'Yarmouth Five-O' by Splodgenessabounds.

If the Rake & Herald were on the shit pump as well as the interweb (now there's a thought for all you TV execs out there), it would require a suitable theme tune that could somehow encapsulate its gravitas as a mighty international news organ while still remaining catchy enough to appeal to all the plebs.

Tough call, eh?

Or is it?

After all, check out this little ditty.

I speak, of course, of Yarmouth Five-O, Splodgenessabounds's triumphant reworking of the old Hawaii Five-O theme.

And when I say 'triumphant', I mean triumphant.

Or do I mean 'triumphal'?

Fuck knows.

Either way, just clock the brass section when it kicks in.

It's fucking glorious!

Hat tip: Wolfgang Bang.

But Yarmouth Five-O certainly isn't the only time that Splodgenessabounds has ventured into the realm of TV signatures.

A leading light of the early 80s punk pathetique movement, alongside such other extant luminaries as Peter and the Test Tube Babies, the Toy Dolls and Garry Bushell's Gonads, they also interwove the theme from Bonanza with that of the film High Noon to give the world Cowpunk Medlum back in 1981.

What's more, the previous year, the band, founded and fronted by direct Genghis Khan descendent Max Splodge1, also squirted their hot creamy magic down the front of the The Saint, the lead character in which was called James Bond and was played by him out of Sean Connery.

You know, Dougie Giro.

Anyway, amazing to imagine, I know, but the above track works out at just over 33.333333% of the band's triple A-side début single that, as well as Michael Booth's Talking Bum, also featured the band's most famous song to date, viz Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Please, which, in a bizarre twist of fate, was later used not as a theme tune, but as the name (minus the 'Please' bit) for a bloody dire TV programme that only a fucking cretin would watch.

But relax, because there's no way I'm running a clip of that particular shitcom here on the Rake & Herald as it's about as funny as a miscarriage in an abattoir.

Seriously, it's fucking painful.

Like giving yourself a vasectomy with a billhook.

So instead, here's the tune itself.

The above vids were embedded here on the tune-tastic Rake & Herald from the respective YouTube channels of Darkshadow Productions; hanz2602; and harcus84. Gosh, aren't we nice?

See also Something Better Change, posted 4/6/14.

Sandi Toxic
was raised by wolves inside a disused clay pit near Lanjeth. You can befriend her on FaceBook here. She is still quite feral.


1) Well, that's what Wikipedia reckons anyway so it must be true.

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