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Thurston Moore's big pile of gash

By Paul Scholes of Manchester United (no relation)

Posted June 23, 2014
thurston moore
Moore! Moore! Moore! Or maybe not. © Scholesy (no relation)

Shit gig. Great review.

This past May 20 Thurston Moore played a gig in Poznań, Poland. We weren't there to see it but we know a man who was…

Well, I did in the end manage to get hold of a ticket to the biggest alternative music event of the year in Poznań – Thurston Moore at the Dragon.

And I have to say it was absolutely unbelievable, but not in the way I expected.

To be honest I've never been Sonic Youth's greatest fan though I've always quite liked their music and respected their originality.

I also took the precaution of checking out Moore's solo work before the gig and found it folkier than the band but entertaining enough.

So it was with great excitement that I went up the Dragon stairs to the pub's Mały Dom Kultury room, clutching my recently purchased ticket.

The PLN 80 (£15.50; $26.20) I'd paid seemed like a good deal to watch the inspiration for many of indie music's finest.

Ssshhh! I'm at a rock concert, you know. © Scholesy (no relation)

On entering the venue I found it strange that there were chairs laid out in orderly rows, and the hushed atmosphere was more akin to a theatre or lecture hall than a gig.

I was also a bit peeved when I went to grab a beer and discovered that the upstairs bar is even more expensive than the rest of the pub.

But anyway, I found a seat and waited… and waited, sweated some more (it was well over 30°C (86°F) in the room), and waited.

We were then politely informed that the gig would be starting late, which was already obvious, so I thought I'd nip out for a smoke before things kicked-off.

But my cravings were left unsatisfied as the matronly lady on the door barked out orders that if I went out I wouldn't be allowed back in.

Suitably chastised, I went back to my seat and soon enough Thurston and the Polish percussionist Adam Gołębiewski entered the stage.

What followed was one of the most dismal musical performances I can ever remember witnessing.

Experimental? Bollocks more like. © Scholesy (no relation)

There were no words of introduction or explanation from Thurston, who spent most of the time crouching near the floor or stood with his back to the audience as he strummed barely discernible Sonic Youth riffs.

Gołębiewski was more dynamic, but his experimental percussion involving scratching and slapping his drum kit with unusual implements was, let's face it, just a noise.

After 40 minutes or so of this my pal turned round to me and said, "This ain't gonna change. Let's get out of here."

So we made our escape and as I took a drag on a much-needed cigarette in a nearby beer garden, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I'll never get that 40 minutes back, or the 80 złoty for that matter, but I guess you can't win them all.

Chief hack's note: And clearly you can't. But at least you lived to tell the tale, sir. And, man, we're glad you did. Pints are on their way. Anyway, to make up for your disappointment, here's Sonic Youth playing Mildred Pierce, embedded here on the Rake & Herald from somewhere on Youku. Sorry but my Chinese is pretty kak. Plus you might have to wait 10 or so seconds before it plays.

The above article original appeared on Scholesy's Poz blog, which you are strongly advised to check out here. Seriously, some of the reviews are f--king corkers, especially if you've ever spent much time in Central and Eastern Europe. Meanwhile, for a similarly great review of a similarly shit film, make sure you read Zardoz, Connery's crowning glory, posted 11/3/14.

Archetypal man-about-town Paul Scholes of Manchester United (no relation) should in no way be confused with the other Paul Scholes of Manchester United, who just happens to look like him but who had nothing to do with the writing of the above article in any way, shape or form. Got that, lawyers? Good.

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