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GirlBait auditions underway

By culture editor DJ NRG Raver

Posted February 25, 2014
It could be you: And you might even get diddled by a predatory record company exec to boot! (Check bottom for credit)

All-girl version of Boyhole announced in yet another flash of inspired money-grubbing pop world originality.

Auditions are now underway for membership of the all-new teenbop lipsynch girl band GirlBait.

The new ensemble aim to copy the winning formula of teenbop lipsynch sensations Boyhole and challenge them for global market dominance.

Bertrand S Childe-Fugler, head of PsychoChristianHeteroDenial Records (PCHD), announced his plans to a packed audience on a roof above Savile Row in London this morning.

Speaking on the spot where the Rutles played their iconic final concert, the veteran pop producer said he hoped to create the new group "as quickly as was humanly possible" and would even consider taking an existing act – unseen male musicians/producers and all – and instantly rebadge them, "contractual issues permitting".

"Many years in the record industry tell me that there's a huge demand for GirlBait and everything they stand for," the smash hit supremo said.

"We've all seen what Boyhole have done."

"And now we want to do the same."

"Just for a different demographic, that's all."

"There isn't a moment to lose," added Childe-Fugler, who coincidentally is the identical cousin of Bertram Savile-Childfudger, head of rival label PsychoChristianHomoDenial Records, the manufacturers of Boyhole.

Already a number of lipsych acts have announced their candidature by releasing promotional teasers.

Amongst these were some apparently attempting to bandwagon the worldwide super-phenomenon of tramping.

Already championed by Derbyshire noise duo Drenge in Backwaters, the practice of downing tramp's breakfasts, or 'al-fresco alcoholic treats enjoyed straight from the can or bottle', while wandering around the countryside, has in recent weeks become a controversial global craze thanks to the interweb.

Social networking sites such as TwitFace have ensured that the age-old rural pursuit is now being imitated in the even the largest cities under the #TrampNominate hashtag.

First to throw their hats into the ring were Sunblock (Featuring Sandy) with Baby Baby, their up-tempo cover of tramping anthem Babe Babe by Joy & Joyce with its spine-tingling chorus of "Trampy trampy, why can't we just tramp together?"

Next to signal their intent were Tensnake with their huge club hit Coma Cat.

Although mostly instrumental, the track repeatedly poses the hauntingly-catchy question "Can I tramp, can I tramp-tramp?", which is now tipped to become an instant classic tramping chant.

The video, meanwhile, features a pair of young women enjoying a sophisticated 'boho' urban tramp with a can of 6% Żubr Polish lager and a bottle of wine playfully acquired from a local shop.

While Childe-Fugler said he was "very impressed" by what he had seen so far, he nonetheless urged other young hopefuls to forward their material to him "without delay".

"I want to see as much young talent as I can, so please keep them videos coming."

"And don't be shy – this could mean stardom for the right girls."

"You blokes can help as well," the global hit-maker added in a direct appeal to the cherished and beloved readers of the Rake & Herald, "particularly those of you who are in your teens."

"Just send me any good footage of your girlfriends or ex-girlfriends or girls who live across the street, maybe dancing in front of a mirror or getting dressed like in that Tensnake vid."

"Maybe two of them taking a shower together."

"To save water."

"You know the kind of thing."

"All applications will be considered."

"And don't say it's sexist."

"It's not."

Whether Uniting Nations or Eric Prydz intend to apply remains as yet unclear.

See also Boyhole fingered for drink drag race, posted 27/1/14, and Patrick Chase exposed, posted 14/2/14.

Picture credit

Top and thumb: Some K-pop fans by Joseph Ferris III from On a Ship; faces doctored for legal reasons.

For licensing information click the above link.

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