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MUSIC & THE ARTS

Bono targets now available

By business editor Randy Gutstick III

Posted November 10, 2017
Bono targets now available
Live the dream: With the new range of targets from RoncoButts. © Ignatius Rake

Alabama firm unveils new range of Bono-themed targets.



Alabama-based RoncoButts has recently expanded its range of field target and shooting accessories with the launch of its new Bono TargetsTM line.

"They're perfect for the hobbyist plinker, professional target shooter or big-game hunter alike," says RoncoButts' vice-president of sales and marketing Metal G Cheesehammer III in a press release.


JUMPED-UP LITTLE COCKSUCKER
"That Bongo's a jumped-up little cocksucker, a tax-dodging pretentious A-hole that's friends with some of the most evil people on the planet, so unloading a full magazine from a Glock, AR-15 or a belt of .50 cal into his smug weaselly face is the perfect way to unwind after a hard day of having to listen to his sanctimonious drivel on the radio," Cheesehammer continues.

"I'm not advocating actually shooting the little douchebag as that could land you in the pen and the hypocritical nobjockey just ain't worth it."

"Besides, it could also ruin your chance of a decent afterlife because no one has the right to take another person's life outside of self-defence, even if they are a monumental prick like Bongo."

"But blowing holes in a photographic representation of his face is fair game and sure does fell mighty fine."

"And you never know, the annoying sonofabitch might break into your home like he did your iTunes just to lecture you on why you should give up all your hard-earned when he just makes money from the poor, so the ability to put a bullet from a .357 magnum through his skull is something that's well worth practicing for."

"And like I say, it sure feels good firing guns at his face anyhows."


randy gutstick t-shirt
Click the pic: Get your Randy Gutstick T-shirt here. Prices start at around £10. © Ignatius Rake


NOT JUST GUNS
But sadly, when Bono is still out there walking free, not everyone on Earth is legally able to carry or fire a full-bore.

There are also some "libtard crackpots" who don't even like guns.

Fortunately, the team at RoncoButts took all this into account when developing the new Bono TargetsTM range, which, the press release notes, can be supplied online "in packs of 50, 100 and 500" for "much less than the price of flying your goddam stupid hat around the planet while banging on about saving the environment".

"You don't have to pack heat to enjoy these targets," Cheesehammer states.

"You can use them to practise with a bow, slingshot or throwing stars, provided you're using a suitable backstop."

Better still, Cheesehammer reveals, the paper used to make the targets is "soft, strong and fully absorbent".

"So you can also use 'em to wipe you crack after parking your lunch."

"I like getting m'mud in his eye."

"The egotistical little twat."


Cheers, Randy. If only they had had those targets in Cambodia.




See also Jaz on Bono, posted 9/3/15, and Nazis forced to rebrand, posted 4/9/17.


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Randy Gutstick III is the marketing manager of the Rake & Herald. "I aim to leverage our value proposition and bring vertical to our product runway going forward," he says. "And that's not just blue-sky thinking either. I'm really going to push the omelette on this one." You can buy his T-shirt amd other clag, ramgimg from shower curtains to phone covers, here.


Engage with the Rake & Herald on FaceBook here and Twitter here. Better still, buy a T-shirt here.


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