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Words of the Wing War warriors

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted May 17, 2014
wing war warriors
Smiles all round: Miki, Beautiful Brian, Cardboard Shell and the Black Widow. © Brian Seiken

The R&H speaks exclusively to some of the gurgitators who locked oesophageal horns at the Eastern Shore Wing War in Maryland this past Sunday.

This article pertains to the Major League Eating- (MLE) sanctioned Eastern Shore Wing War Sponsored By Mountaire Farms held this past May 11 as part of the Pork in the Park BBQ Festival in Salisbury, Maryland, US of A. It is a follow-up to the article Jaws wins second Wing War, which, posted 14/5/14, contains the full contest results that I simply can't be arsed to repeat here, OK?

Cast your mind back to April 27 last year and you may recall that on that momentous day Michelle 'Cardboard Shell' Lesco became the first woman ever to beat the Rake & Herald's all-time favourite alimentary athlete, the fantastic, the wonderful, the fantastically wonderful Sony 'the Black Widow' Thomas in gurgitatory combat.

Cardboard Shell achieved this, of course, by shoving 16.5 Creek Indian tacos down her craw in 8 minutes to the Black Widow's 15 at the Foodabluza Creek Indian Taco Eating Championship at the Wind Creek Casino & Hotel in Atmore, Alabama.

Well, this past Sunday (11/5/14) she also became the first woman ever to outgob Miki Sudo when she boshed 166 formerly feathered fried fowl flappers in 12 minutes at the Eastern Shore Wing War Sponsored By Mountaire Farms, grabbing $700 for third and in so doing knocking Miki into fourth with 164.

Not bad, eh?

But what does the lady herself have to say on the matter?

"Debris foods like wings and ribs are definitely some of my strengths," Cardboard Shell exclusively tells the Rake & Herald via the Book of Face.

"I sometimes get my butt handed to me in capacity foods since I'm so small and am just not capable of holding as much as a lot of the other eaters."

"So speed and technique foods like wings are my favourite competitions."

"I felt OK about my performance," she continues.

"I felt like I was eating pretty slowly, which is always stressful during a contest."

Consequently, she "was pretty shocked to beat Miki".

"I definitely consider her a better eater than me at this point in time and probably won't expect a repeat for at least a few years, although it was really cool to be there with the top three female eaters [viz Miki, the Black Widow and 'the Lovely' Juliet Lee] and come out ahead of them all," Cardboard Shell says.

"When I first started competitive eating, that possibility would have never crossed my mind."

"The Eastern Shore Wing War was an awesome event and I'd definitely go back."

"The people are great and I had an absolute blast in Salisbury and on a side trip to DC with Miki and [Marcos 'the Monster' Owens]."

"Plus I love wings."

However, while she may be partial to these succulent parts of the Gallus gallus domesticus, Cardboard Shell's certainly not averse to knocking back vast quantities of other grub against the clock either.

Indeed, the Tucson, Arizona-based gourmandiser reports that she will shortly be appearing at the Fourth Annual West Virginia Three Rivers Festival Pepperoni Roll Eating World Championship (24/5/14), RibMania V at Ribfest Chicago XVI (6/6/14) and one of the forthcoming Nathan's qualifiers, where she "will hopefully lock in [her] seat at Coney Island".

But we here at the Rake & Herald aren't the only ones who think she pulled out a right royal stonker on Sunday.

"Congrats to Shell!" Miki exclusively facebookates with the Rake & Herald.

"We explored DC afterward and it was a great time."

"Personally, I felt that I ate faster and more consistently than I did at the Hooters qualifier [in which she set a new contest record of 192 wings in 10 minutes] or the Buffalo Wing Fest [where she won two-back-to-back events, including the US National Buffalo Wing Eating Championship with a gut count of 6.7 lbs (3 kg) of wings in 12 minutes]."

"I'd be the first to tell you if I underperformed, but that's not the case," she asserts.

"From here on out, I'll be focusing my time on contests where you can actually see the result."

the monster, yasir and more bite
The three muncheteers: The Monster (left) and Yasir (centre) with Juan 'More Bite' Rodriguez at a totally different event sometime in the past yesterday. © Juan Rodriguez

Sadly, not everyone was so chuffed with their Wing War performance.

"I feel like I did pretty lacklustre," the Noi Yoik-based Monster, who amassed 127 aeronautical animal appendages down his alimentary canal, informs the Rake & Herald in an exclusive converfacebookation.

"It was my first contest back since September [and I'm] definitely still not at 100%."

"I'm in good shape but not in good eating shape as of yet."

"The wings were really good – they seasoned them well [but] they just were a bit drier than they were last year."

"They smoked the wings, I believe, so they were really hard to get down."

All in all, though, "it was worth a trip out to Maryland", the Monster says, as it was "not too far", provided him with "all the wings [he] could eat" and also gave him the chance to "hang out and catch up afterwards".

"I'll definitely make it back next year," he says.

"It was a great contest and the sponsors and crowd were really wonderful," Yasir Salem, who noshed his way through 97 to finish 10th, concurs in yet another exclusive facebookularisationalism with the Rake & Herald.

"It was a stacked field with a lot of talent," Yasir continues, adding that it was also "a good prep to get [his] mind ready for the Nathan's season".

"I was OK with my total, but I always want to see improvement."

But it's not just the sport of gurgitation that's in Yasir's thoughts at the mo.

"On the triathlon and marathon front, I have a very busy season with three half Ironmans, two Ironmans and around five marathons this year."

"I'm looking for some improvements all around!"

And in this we certainly wish him well, especially as we get knackered just walking to the pub.

"I don't like finishing last but it was my 2014 début," 'Beautiful' Brian Seiken exclusively emailerises the Rake & Herald.

Regarding the contest, of which he speaks very highly in his own from-the-trenches report over on, Beautiful Brian describes emcee and MLE chairman George Shea as being to competitive eating what "Brian Epstein was to the Beatles".

"Super sponsor; the wings were kind of dry but I guess if you leave filet mignon out in the sun for a long time, you get the same result."

"Met a bunch of great people I never met before."

To hear more from Beautiful Brain on the Wing War and plenty more, including an interview with Ron Koch, make sure you check out his inaugural podcast here.

But before you do that, have a watch of the following contest footage we've embedded here on the Rake & Herald from Beautiful Brian's food-fighting-tastic YouTube channel, which you can mooch around at your leisure simply by clicking this.

Right, gotta go.

All this talk of chicken wings is making me well hungry.

Fortunately, though, I found a tin of cat food earlier.

100% Rabbit, I'll have you know.

See also Jaws wins second Wing War, posted 14/5/14.

Sandi Toxic
was raised by wolves inside a disused clay pit near Lanjeth. You can befriend her on FaceBook here. She is still quite feral.

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