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EATING & DRINKING

The double Damon taco takedown

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted June 18, 2014
the omen v the omen
Seeing double: A screenshot of the video sending shockwaves through science. © Damon Wells

Damon 'the Omen' Wells bilocates while Kevin Ross clones himself three times.


Californian competitive eater Damon 'the Omen' Wells continues to baffle science.

Just two days ago (16/6/14) it was revealed that the Omen shared "a series of astounding similarities" with legendary guitar legend Frank Zappa when he called up the Muffin Man in order to scoff 100 mini muffins.

Now new audio-visual evidence has emerged that the man can bilocate.

I repeat, the Omen can bilocate.


PRESS CONFERENCE
Speaking at a hastily convened press conference in Geneva, Professor Doctor Heinrich Hotel of the Swiss National Institute for Guitars and Gurgitation and the Like told astonished hacks: "I have heard of bilocation before but until now I thought it was solely the preserve of mystics, Ascended Masters and them little subatomic particle things you get in quantum physics."

"Now it appears that under the right circumstances, professional gurgitators can also disentangle themselves in order to race themselves with a bunch of tacos."

"Frankly, I am flabbergasted."

"Especially as I reckon he let himself win."

At press time, the Omen was remaining tight-lipped as to how he managed to pull off this mind-boggling feat of mouth-based derring-do.

However, it is understood from unnamed sources close to that matter that next week he will eat a 15-lb (6.8 kg) burrito while performing the Indian rope trick.

On a spaceship piloted by Elvis who is in fact the Yeti.

Or something.

Either way, watch this.

Just don't adjust your set.




Remarkably, the Omen is not the only Californian gurgitator to have performed such an astonishing act of alimentary athleticism.

In March this year, Kevin Ross cloned himself three times in order to see which of himself could eat a Taco Bell breakfast the fastest.

"There must be something in the water other there on the West Coast," Hotel said, tears welling in his eyes.

"I thought science was about nice things, like blowing people up with atom bombs, but this is just crazy talk."

"My mind cannot take it," he added, shortly before his head exploded like that bloke in Scanners.

A funeral will be held once all the pieces have been found.




While the first of the above two vids is embedded here on the
Rake & Herald from the Omen's YouTube channel, the second comes from that belonging to Kevin Ross, bizarrely enough. Check them out here and here, respectively, why don't you? Meanwhile, to see theses two battlers of the bouche ploughing their way through a mountain of 100 tacos in their more conventional singular forms, have a click of this.

See also The Muffin Man delivers, posted 16/6/14.


Sandi Toxic
was raised by wolves inside a disused clay pit near Lanjeth. You can befriend her on FaceBook here. She is still quite feral.


WARNING! Competitive eating can be dangerous. As well as potentially lethal choking hazards there is also the possibility of poisoning yourself, something that could lead to hospitalisation, permanent health damage and even death. Don't believe us? Read this. Consequently, the Rake & Herald does not recommend you emulate the above video(s) yourself. Seriously. We are NOT joking. You have been warned.



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