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EATING & DRINKING

Praise Bob!

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted October 18, 2013
bob pre oysters
Ulster oysters: Notorious B.O.B. prepares to do battle in Hillsborough. © Ignatius Rake

Notorious B.O.B. wins Ben's Chili Bowl's World Chili Eating Championship, giving us a great excuse to run that interview we did with him a while back.


Bob 'Notorious B.O.B.' Shoudt has beaten erstwhile reigning chili champ Tim 'Eater X' Janus in a tense overtime eat-off at the Third Annual Ben's Chili Bowl's World Chili Eating Championship in Washington, DC.

Staged this past Saturday (12/10/13) as part of the Taste of DC culinary and cultural event, the chowdown had previously seen the two goliaths of the gob each gobbing back a whopping great two gallons (7.6 litres) of chilli, or chilli if you're British, in just six minutes flat to equal the current world record.

Moreover, according Major League Eating (MLE), which sanctioned the all-you-can-spoon gobathon, their tie marked "the fifth time in three years that MLE eaters have hit, but not bested, the two-gallon-mark in six minutes", or "the Brown Ceiling as it is known in competitive eating circles".

But while this was remarkable in itself, no world championship can be left dangling with a tie, so out came more chili and the crowd went wild.

We assume.

After all, Rake & Herald fashion editor, London cabbie and self-appointed competitive eating pundit Kok 'Bell End' Wang and myself are currently on the lam in the Hollow Earth after Kok got ripped to the tits on Special Brew and then went on a wrecking spree that saw him inter alia punching a police man, trashing a wheelbarrow, pissing in a fridge and crashing a UFO, so we weren't able to catch much of the action ourselves.

Thankfully, though, MLE has got a bloody excellent write-up about it on their website, so we'll just copy and paste a load of info from that and then pass it off as our own reporting just like all the big newspapers do.

However, unlike the big name hacks, we'll give credit to MLE because a) we like them b) we don't want them to sue us and c) that really is a bloody ace write-up.

Seriously, their reports are usually top-notch but whoever wrote that one pulled out a winner.

Nice work indeed.

Now to quote the hell out of it.


COPY AND PASTE, COPY AND PASTE
"At the end of regulation, Tim 'Eater X' Janus, last year's winner, and 'the Notorious B.O.B.' Bob Shoudt stood tied at two gallons each," MLE says.

"As the results were announced, the crowd knew what they were in for: an eat-off, the white whale of MLE events, so rare and so special that men and women have gone mad in search for it."

"The Third Annual Ben's Chili Bowl's World Chili Eating Championship at the Taste of DC was on the line."

"And this eat-off was special."

"The rules were clear."

"One bowl – 32 oz, or one-quarter gallon – first to finish and first to clear."

"Bob beat X by a mouthful and cleared fast: the win was his."

"The Notorious B.O.B. was very happy about this."

"Validation was his."

"So was $1,750 [£1,083] and a travel package prize courtesy of Apple Vacations valued at $7,500."

"And a cool trophy."

"And the adoration of the Taste of DC crowd, one of the most intelligent and good-looking crowds, frankly, on the MLE calendar."

So there.

See, I said it was a good write-up and there' plenty more over on the MLE website to boot so check it out.

Sadly, though, they've taken down the full cash prizes, so we don't know what everybody else won, although we do know that there was a total of $3,000 up the grabs.

What's more, we know that the fantastic Miki Sudo took home a slice of the pie after necking 1.687 gallons to place third ahead of the Rake & Herald's all-time favourite alimentary athlete Sonya 'the Black Widow' Thomas, who boshed 1.437 gallons to come fourth.

Prior to the slurp-off, meanwhile, Ronnie 'Mega Byte' Hartman scoffed 0.5 gallons in 1 minute 34 seconds to win a contest for serving military types, so hats off to him.

In fact, major congratulations all round but even bigger salutations to Notorious B.O.B., whose well deserved victory means we can finally bung up that interview that Rake bloke did with him at the World Oyster Eating Championship in Hillsborough, Northern Ireland this past September 7.

Weirdly enough, much of the interview was about oysters given that Notorious B.O.B. had just shoved 174 of them down his craw in three minutes.

However, as we've run most of that already, we'll skip that and jump straight into something a bit more general.

Hmm.

How about training.


bob on stage
On stage: His Bobness with friend. © Ignatius Rake


INTERVIEW TIME
"I do what's called water training: I drink large volumes of water," Notorious B.O.B. says after having Rake's voice recorder shoved in his face.

While this "doesn't translate to a technique food like oysters", it does stretch the stomach, which is obviously pretty handy from the capacity point of view.

In fact, that's why he does it.

But does he practice eating the foods he scoffs on stage?

The answer is no.

"I wouldn't go out and buy 500 oysters to practice and my next contest, whatever that might be, I'm not going to get two gallons and eat it."

"To me, it's more training mentally."

And as physically "one of the biggest" eaters on the circuit, he doesn't "need extra calories".

"I already eat enough as it is," he says.

"I obviously eat too much or else I wouldn't be this weight, so I'm competing against all these thin guys and they have a little bit more flexibility."

"And mainly because of my lack of discipline and my personal life, over decades I got myself in this position that I don't want to just waste calories, you know, 'Hey, let's eat 2.5 gallons of chili today', because it's not fun afterwards when you've had 2.5 gallons of chili and it wasn't even for a contest, it's just a practice for some future date."

"So I don't do that but also I have three kids and I enjoy time with them so I can fit a water training in – it's really quick – and then get back on with the family."

"Maybe some day when my kids leave the house, I'll change but it's gotten me where I am now and I'm running with it."


HOT DOGS AND TONGUE
At last year's Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest, Notorious B.O.B. became the oldest person to eat their age in hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes when he scoffed 45 to place fifth.

This year, his target was to beat that by eating, er, 46.

Sadly, though, things didn't go quite according to plan, with the not-an-off-stage-vegetarian finishing fourth with 39.75 in his belly at the bell.

"I was crushed," he says, although we're glad to report not literally.

"Very early on in the contest, inside the first minute, I bit off a piece of my tongue and it was just a really rough contest for me afterwards."

He ate a bit of his tongue?

Surely that should be extra points or something?

"I wish!"

"You don't get credit for tongue apparently."

"That could sound like an excuse."

"It's not."

"Part of the game is not to bite your tongue."

"It sounds simple but when you have your mouth fully stuffed with food, sometimes it's a little bit of work and I failed."

"I bit my tongue and really I just coasted through the rest of the contest pretty much and I put in an embarrassing number."

"I can do 40 hot dogs without even blinking."

"Every hot dog after that is a challenge but I was really shocked."

"I thought I might have a shot at 50 to be honest with you."

"I though 46 would've been pretty easy."

"My water [training] had been going superb so all signs were leading up to a good showing for me."

"Not a 69-hot-dog showing or anything like that but I thought I would join the 50 club."

"But it turns out I didn't even do 40 so it was a rough day."

But is Notorious B.O.B. the sort of person to let a bad result get him down?

Is he going to give up, storming off in a huff and vowing never to eat at Nathan's again?

No f--king chance!

"I'll be back next year, of course!"

"I'm always gonna be back."

"I'm never going away."

"That's probably why this sport hates me so much because I won't leave."

"I refuse to leave."

"I'll be here forever.

Cue Rake's greatest question ever: How long have you been eating?

"Well, pretty much 46 years but professionally, probably 12 years or so," B.O.B. replies, almost as if he weren't talking to a simpleton.

So 12 years and number five in the MLE rankings – surely that's not bad going, is it?

"When you look it that way no, especially when people like [Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie]'s 21."

"You figure youth has to help a little bit but to be honest with you I'm not in this game to take third in this [oyster] contest."

"I'm in this to win it so fifth is embarrassing."

"To me, fifth is failure."

"I'm the fourth failure."

"I want to be number one and that's why I'm there but in the grand scheme of things and life, when I look back at the reign that I've had and being able to be one of the elite for as long, I'm going to look back and say I had a good career."

"I was a guy that hopefully people will remember as I was always in the midst of things."


BRING US THE BLING!
But the sport of gurgitation isn't just about engobulating massive amounts of grub against the clock.

It's also about showmanship.

"Part of it is entertainment and I didn't understand that when I joined competitive eating," B.O.B. reveals.

"I was Humble Bob but that's really not entertaining for the crowd."

"I'd wanted to be Notorious B.O.B. from day one but I thought that was too cocky when I didn't have any experience."

"So I refused to let myself be it and then at one point I said, 'I'm like one of the top people in the world right now. Why can't I be Notorious B.O.B.?'"

"So I became that and then I got the bling and the persona."

"It's all just for show."

"It's just to entertain people, to make the little kids smile because that's the important thing."

"If you don't make the children smile at a contest, we're not going to have future contests."

"The parent's are going to look at their child and say they enjoyed themselves, got a laugh, so it kinda feeds."

"You can't just have contests where we show up like robots and eat and walk off stage."

Quite.

"We need to engage and we have a new person, Miki Sudo, she doesn't have the bling but she's very engaging."

"She can see the children and she can draw them in and I just try to do that."

"You know, pose for a picture with the Bob bling [his trademark B.O.B. necklace] or something – just something silly, just to make it bigger than just the contest and then give someone hopefully something to talk about."

"Not that they're going to say, 'Hey, I met Bob', but just I made their day a little brighter as a component with all the other eaters."

"And the grand scheme of life is we should all be just smiling and be happy."

"And while I come across as very sarcastic, the whole thing is as a joke."

"It's wooden bling, it's not gold, it's so fake."

"Hopefully, [people] just chuckle and laugh."

Wooden?

Fake?

That Rake bloke said it was solid gold.

He also said he was gonna nick it but B.O.B. pulled some king fu moves on him and put him in the hospital, which is why he had to go to the pub and get pissed after the oyster contest.

The bloody lying bastard.

Still, massive thanks to Notorious B.O.B. for putting up with that Rake bloke's questions and, of course, huge congratulations on winning the Ben's Chili Bowl's World Chili Eating Championship.

Top stuff, sir.

Notorious B.O.B., a true gent and a total dude.

Big up yourself!


JAWS EATS BRAINS
But Ben's wasn't the only contest we completely and utterly failed to report on while we've been in hiding from the cops down here.

Oh no, sireee, for on exactly the same day in Minneapolis, Minnesota Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut set a new world record at the inaugural World Brain Eating Championship, undoubtedly the best named contest ever.

Held as part of the Zombie Pub Crawl, which MLE likens to "a cross between Mardi Gras and a George Romero movie" and which each year sees "thousands of people pretend to be dead and wander the streets, boozing and dancing and carousing and having the time of their lives", the event saw Jaws gourmandising 54 brain tacos in 8 minutes to pocket a grand while narrowly thwarting the undead ambitions of Megatoad, who scarfed 53 to nab $500 for second.

"The brain tacos were prepared by the AZ Canteen team, helmed by none other than Andrew Zimmern, host of the Travel Channel's Bizarre Foods series," MLE reports.

"The guy's eaten everything; brains wouldn't phase him one little bit."

"They sure didn't phase Chestnut or Stonie, or Mark Williams of Iowa, who impressed with 17.5 in eight mins for third."

"Andrew 'the Bear' Kogutkiewicz and the very-much-missed Bryan 'Big Sexy' Beard rounded out the money positions."

"But look at the totals."

"This was all Stonie and Chestnut, people," MLE continues, enabling us to do that copy-and-paste jobbie again.

Wicked!

"They'd blown past 20, 30, 40 brain tacos."

"In the final minute, they blew past the 50-mark."

"Twenty seconds to go."

"Nothing separated Chestnut and Stonie, the pair from San Jose, the pair who so often finish first-and-second, second-and-first at MLE events."

"Until the final mouthful."

"Chestnut's giant mouth came into play, his damp paws stuffing tacos into that great beyond at the death."

"Final score: Chestnut 54, Stonie 53.5."

"Close stuff."

Close it may have been, but it certainly wasn't the only recent Jaws win that we haven't until now gotten around to mentioning in the hallowed pages of the new-look Rake & Herald, for the previous Saturday (5/1013) he set a new world record when he ate 141 hard boiled eggs in eight minutes at the inaugural Radcliff Days World Hard-Boiled Egg Eating Championship in Radcliff, Kentuck to kerrrching $1,500.

Seven days prior to that (9/28/13), he also triumphed at the Western Days Festival World Tamale Eating Championship in Lewisville, Texas with a gut count of 91 tamales in 10 minutes.

Apparently, this particular gobathon had been scheduled to last 12 minutes, but, according to the ever excellent Eat Feats, they ran out of tamales and had to cut it short.

Bummer, eh?

Still, in addition to netting an unspecified share of the contest's $3,500 total cash purse, Jaws also retained the crown he last year grabbed from the head of Eater X, who came second with a tamale tummy tally of 78.

In so doing, the world belching supremo narrowly edged out Miki, who scoffed 76 to take bronze, with the other cash spots taken by Jeff 'the Best Man' Butler (54); Michelle 'Cardboard Shell' Lesco (47) and Josh Miller (42).

Interestingly, MLE notes, this was the first time in the event's nine-year history that two female eaters have placed in the top six.

It also resulted in "three of the five best individual results in the history of the event" and the total annihilation of 562 pork tamales hand made by local restaurant Dat’s Good BBQ.

But fair play too to Megatoad, who the very next day (29/9/13) munched his way to victory at the Yogurtland Frozen Yogurt Eating Challenge at the Phantom Gourmet Food Festival in Boston, Massachusetts.

Exactly what yogurt is is anyone's guess, but we reckon it could be a bit like yoghurt.

With an 'H'.

Again, we're not completely sure what the prizes were, but we kinda think that Megatoad walked away with a gift card worth $750.

In which case, no one else got anything, which is a shame because while Megatoad ate 10.5 lbs (4.8 kg) in 6 minutes, William 'Wild' Bill Myers did 8 lbs to come second, with Micah 'Wing Kong' Collins chobbling his way through 7.9 lbs to claim bronze.

Now, at this point, I should rightfully hand other the mic to Kok to get his woefully inadequate take on things but as a flying disc full of cops has just pulled up outside I'm simply gonna give you the results, based on the MLE and Eat Feats websites.

Sorry about the lack of info re prizes.

Still, tough shit, eh?


Ben's Chili Bowl's World Chili Eating Championship, Washington, DC (12/10/13)

1) Bob 'Notorious B.O.B.' Shoudt (2 gallons of chili in 6 mins; won in overtime; $1,750; a travel package worth $7,500; and a cool trophy);

2) Tim 'Eater X' Janus (2; lost in overtime; prize unknown (PU));

3) Miki Sudo (1.687; PU);

4) Sonya 'the Black Widow' Thomas (1.437; PU);

5) 'The Lovely' Juliet Lee (1.187);

6) Eric 'Badlands' Booker (1);

7) Micah 'Wing Kong' Collins (0.812);

=8) Yasir Salem (0.75);

=8) 'Big' Brian Subich (0.75);

10) William 'Wild Bill' Myers (0.625);

11) Aaron Name Unknown (0.437); and

12) Crazy Legs Conti (0.375).


World Brain Eating Competition, Minneapolis, Minnesota (10/12/13)

1) Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut (54 brain tacos in 8 minutes; $1,000);

2) Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie (53; $500);

3) Mark Williams (17.5; $300);

4) Andrew 'the Bear' Kogutkiewicz (12.5; $150);

5) Bryan 'Big Sexy' Beard (12; $50);

6) Sam Brummer (11);

7) Mitch Gillen (10);

8) Rikki Olsen (9.5);

9) Mary 'I Love 'Em Hot!' Bowers (5);

=10) Joe Smith-Cunnien (2.5); and

=10) Dave Senst (2.5).


Radcliff Days World Hard-Boiled Egg Eating Championship, Radcliff, Kentucky (5/10/13)

1) Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut (141 hard-boiled eggs in 8 minutes; $1,500);

2) Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie (132; $1,000);

3) Miki Sudo (109; $500);

4) Sonya 'the Black Widow' Thomas (92); and load of eaters whose names we don't know.


Western Days Festival World Tamale Eating Championship, Lewisville, Texas (28/9/13)

1) Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut (91 tamales in 10 minuets; PU);

2) Tim 'Eater X' Janus (78; PU);

3) Miki Sudo (76; PU);

4) Jeff 'the Beast Man' Butler (54; PU);

5) Michelle 'Cardboard Shell' Lesco (47; PU);

6) Josh Miller (42; PU);

7) 'Nasty' Nate Biller (36);

=8) Tony Martinez (29);

=8) Wade Peck (29);

10) John Harding (21);

11) Alex 'Moose' Perez (18);

=11) Tony Chacon (18);

13) Ray Hernandez (14); and

14) Mark Poland (9).


Yogurtland Frozen Yogurt Eating Challenge, Boston, Massachusetts (29/9/13)

1) Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie (10.5 lbs of frozen yoghurt in 6 minutes; $750 gift card, we think);

2) William 'Wild Bill' Myers (8);

3) Micah 'Wing Kong' Collins (7.9);

4) 'The Person With No Name Other Than' Pruitt (5.75);

=5) Larell Marie 'the Real Deal' Mele (4);

=5) Crazy Legs Conti (4);

7) Mia Davekos (2); and

8) 'Beautiful' Brian Seiken (1).


Right, gotta go.

The cops have just kicked the door down.

Well done to everyone who ate and emcee'd and the like and massive apologies for the delay in reporting all the above.

Blame Kok.

The stupid gunt.

Shit!

They're in the room!


This article deliberately contains typos. Can you spot them? If so, why not enter our fantastic find-a-typo competition, which has now been extended to include broken links? Bonzer!


See also B.O.B. not veggie, posted 14/5/13.

To fully understand why Sandi and Kok are on the run from the cops in the Holoow Earth, make sure you read Seventy sodding bratwursts!, posted 11/10/13. Meanwhile, to learn more about the Hollow Earth, have a read of The Hollow Earth revisited, posted 17/1/13.




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