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EATING & DRINKING

MLE suspends bacon gobathons

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted September 26, 2012
Wot no bacon? mle bans bacon-based eating competitions
Wot no bacon? Fortunately, there's no shortage of pancakes, mind. (Check bottom for credit)

Major League Eating (MLE) has indefinitely suspended all bacon eating contests in reaction to an expected global pork shortage next year.


In news just in, MLE, which describes itself as "the world body that governs all stomach-centric sports" and which counts among its members such gurgitatory gladiators as the world number one competitive eater Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut, world belching champion Tim 'Eater X' Janus and regular Rake & Herald reader and the Rake & Herald's favourite alimentary athlete Sonya 'the Black Widow' Thomas, reports that it is to put the kibosh on all bacon-related gobathons until further notice.

The news apparently follows reports from the UK's National Pig Association that feed costs and global drought has negatively impacted the EU's pig heard.

Meanwhile, pig farmers in the US, an MLE press release sent to the Rake & Herald states, "are reducing herds to cut the cost of feeding them – also a result of drought".

In response, MLE says it will now actively dissuade its eaters from consuming bacon.

"We cannot, in good conscience, allow Joey Chestnut to eat bacon during a global pork shortage," MLE president Richard Shea explains.

"We estimate that Joey alone could eat 20 lbs [9 kg] of bacon in 10 minutes of competition."

As such, MLE, the press release says, has asked Jaws and all professional eaters "to consider bacon alternatives for use in the home during the next year".

The only exception to the new MLE ban on bacon-eating contests would be a bacon-wrapped-scallop-eating contest as these savoury taste bombs, Shea reasons, are "just really delicious" and "mostly scallop anyway".

Fortunately, the press releases notes, there is no pancake shortage at present.

Thus there will be no reason to stop top-ranked MLE gurgitators converging on Louisville, Kentucky for the Wild Eggs National Pancake Eating Championship this coming Saturday (29/9/12), where a total cash purse of $4,000 will be up for the taking, or eating as the case may be.

Expect a full Rake & Herald preview shortly.

Just as soon as fashion editor, London cabbie and self-appointed competitive eating pundit Kok Wang gets back from fencing all that Tom his mate blagged from that jeweller's lock-up in Stepney the other day.


EAT FEATS UPDATE



OJ Rifkin, the driving force behind the excellent Eat Feats website has just informed us that "according to the [Eat Feats] database, IFOCE/MLE has never held a bacon eating contest."

However, "they did allow Erik Denmark to do a bacon record attempt in 2009".

To read more on that, including Erik's own comments, have a click of this.

Cheers, OJ, and thanks for pointing that out.

Now back to the rest of the unupdated article...


joey chestnut wing bowl crown
King Jaws: Yeah, I know, we've run that photo before. (Check bottom for credit)


ZINZINNATI BRATWURST ACTION
Anyway, big pats on the back to all who took part in the MLE-sanctioned Oktoberfest Zinzinnati World Bratwurst-Eating Championship in Cincinnati this past Saturday (22/9/12).

Hopefully, readers will forgive us for not reporting on it sooner but we actually have a very good excuse for our momentary slip-up.

You see, one of that Rake bloke's mates runs a top-notch beer pub and in honour of Oktoberfest he'd shipped in a load of genuine Oktoberfest beer from Bavaria.

This beer, Rake's mate explained, is produced using the first crop of wheat in March and then left to 'lager' until the autumn, giving it a distinctive taste and extra potency.

As a result, when all the digestional derring-dos got underway in the States, we were off our bollocks, screeching along to traditional Bavarian drinking songs and being sick in the toilets.

Except for Miltov Lamprey, of course, who was just sick down his front before coming through at the back.

But that's another story.

Anyway, while we were getting ripped to the tits, it appears that we missed a right royal stonker of a chowdown that in the words of MLE saw Jaws claiming "his third straight [victory] by the narrowest margin in the event's history".

"When the clock read 0:00, Joey had tied Tim 'Gravy' Brown with 32 brats a piece," MLE reports on its website.

In accordance with MLE regulations, a one-minute eat-off, or "brat-off", ensued that ultimately saw Jaws gobbling down five German sausage jobbies to Gravy's three.

"The fairytale of Gravy bowed its head to the juggernaut that is Joey Chestnut's World Destruction Tour 2012," MLE notes.

"All, it would appear, must obey."


FULL RESULTS
Big respect too to Kevin 'LA Beast' Strahle, who took bronze with a brat count of 24, as well Vance 'All Day Cake' Van Drake, who was apparently "dressed in traditional German costume adorned with meat".

Fashion designers take note.

It could be 'the new black' you're always looking for.

Anyway, without further ado, here are the full results:


1) Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut (37, including the eat-off);

2) Tim 'Gravy' Brown (35, including the eat-off);

3) Kevin 'LA Beast' Strahle (24);

4) Andrew 'the Bear but not to be confused with Jamie 'the Bear' McDonald' Kogutkiewicz (16.5);

5) Hunter Brankamp (12);

6) Sean Mulcahey (11);

7) Matthew Raible (10.5);

8) Brian Gee (10);

9) Tracy 'Mmm Mmm' Goode (8.5);

10) Cameron Hamby (4.5);

11) Veronica K (4.5); and

12) Vance 'All Day Cake' Van Drake (4).


We're not completely sure what the full prizes were at this moment in time but according to an Oktoberfest Zinzinnati press release, the top gong was "$2,000 and a golden Oktoberfest-Zinzinnati chicken hat".

Again, fashion designers take note.

They clearly have their finger on the pulse of style over in Cincinnati.

Stating that "Chestnut's 37 total brats were well short of his world-record of 42", the same press release reports that "approximately 4,000 fans rocked the display of gastrointestinal fortitude as 12 contestants ate a total of 177.5 bratwursts – or 44,375 calories".

We can't be arsed to do the sums to check it all tallies but it sounds pretty impressive to me.

I love bratwursts.

Right, gotta go.

Lamprey's just turned up with a bottle of schnapps.

Wahey!

And a load of black market bacon!

Now where's that brown sauce I racked from Tesco's?


Picture credit

Top and thumb: Some bacon by cyclonebill; rejigged by Ignatius Rake.

Bottom: Joey Chestnut by Jjrobs.

For licensing information click the above links.


(Eat Feats update same day)




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