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EATING & DRINKING

Miki smashes Hooters record

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted June 27, 2013
miki sudo wins hooters las vegas qualifier
Eyes on the prize: The big day draws near. © MLE

Miki Sudo wins final Hooters qualifier in Las Vegas with absolutely flippin' humungous total.


Miki Sudo has stormed her way to the Hooters World Wing-Eating Championship in Clearwater, Florida this coming July 25 by forcing a whopping 192 formerly feathered fried fowl flappers down her throat in 10 minutes at the contest's fifth and final qualifier in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Marking her sixth appearance and third win at a Major League Eating- (MLE) sanctioned event, yesterday's (26/6/13) all-you-can-eat gobathon at the city's Hard Rock Hotel & Casino not only saw Miki picking up $500 (£326), but also totally bulldozing the competition's previous highest belly bonanza of 152 set this past June 8 by Michelle 'Cardboard Shell' Lesco at the last qualifier in Cincinnati, Ohio.

"I'm not from Las Vegas, but it's been my adoptive home for a few years, so it's always exciting to compete here," she exclusively twitterises the Rake & Herald.

"I feel incredibly fortunate that, out of just a handful of sites, Vegas was chosen to host a qualifier for the Hooters World Wing-Eating Championship."

"There was some great talent out there – veterans and newcomers alike – and I was thoroughly impressed by a lot of the numbers."

And we can see why.

For also securing seats at Clearwater, Adrian 'the Rabbit' Morgan notched up a bloody impressive 176 to pocket $300, with Marcos 'the Monster' Owens landing $200 for equalling the 144 that Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut gulletised to win last year's inaugural championship.

"It was so much fun to eat on a catwalk above a pool," Miki continues.

"Adrian scared me a little when he jumped and the platform bounced!"

Meanwhile, proving that his Berserker-like heroism knows no bounds, Dax 'the Ginger' Swanson braved the ravages of a hard-won hangover to come ninth with an engorgement of 52 plucked appendages.

"I think winning the drinking contest [the previous night] did not help my performance [yesterday]," he confides in the Rake & Herald via one of them exclusive twitterificationalism jobbies.

Hair of the dog, sir.

That's what you need.

It always works.

Occasionally.


FULL RESULTS
Now, at this point we would normally endeavour to furnish you, our cherished and beloved readers, with a few more insightful quotes, a bit of high-brow banter and then a load of f--king bum dribble from the cavernously empty head of Rake & Herald fashion editor, London cabbie and self-appointed competitive eating pundit Kok 'As Thick As He Is Ugly' Wang.

However, as we are currently in the midst of an armed siege involving rifle-toting rozzers and quite possibly the sodding SAS that's simply not going to happen right now.

Shit!

They've just shot Lamprey through the dill hole!

Oh no.

My mistake.

That's just his piles pissing blood again.

Anyway, like I say, we're somewhat preoccupied at the mo – f--k, that was close – so, if you'll pardon us this once and without any further ado, here are the full results based on the MLE Twitter feed and personal correspondence with Juan 'More Bite' Rodriguez.

Cheers, More Bite!

Dammit!

That sniper just got me Spesh.

Kok, chuck us that gin, will ya?


FIFTH HOOTER'S QUALIFIER, LAS VEGAS, NEVADA (26/6/13)

1) Miki Sudo (192 wings chicken in 10 minutes; $500; Seat, Hooters World Wing-Eating Championship);

2) Adrian 'the Rabbit' Morgan (176; $300; Seat, Hooters World Wing-Eating Championship);

3) Marcos 'the Monster' Owens (144; $200; Seat, Hooters World Wing-Eating Championship);

4) Jeff 'the Beast Man' Butler (124);

5) Steve 'Not the Scottish Snooker Player Although He's Probably Getting Pissed Off With Us Calling Him That So Perhaps We'd Better Stop From Now On' Hendry (120);

6) Juan 'More Bite' Rodriguez (112);

7) Corey 'King Voodoo' Fanguy (103);

8) Mary 'I Love 'Em Hot!' Bowers (75);

9) Dax 'the Ginger' Swanson (54; booze crown); and

10) Ken 'ADHD' Douglas (38).


Top chomping all round and many, many thanks indeed to Miki and the Ginger for their exclusive quotes and More Bite for his inside info.

And, Dax, we hope your hangover lifts forthwith.

A few more beers should do it.

That and a bottle of tequila.

Anyway, as a result of their efforts, Miki, the Rabbit and the Monster will now battle it out for a grand prize of $6,000 at the original Hooters restaurant with the aforementioned Jaws and Cardboard Shell as well as 'the Lovely' Juliet Lee, 'Big' Brian Subich, Erik 'the Red' Denmark, Alex 'Moose' Perez, Bam Martinez, Sonya 'the Black Widow' Thomas, Eric 'Badlands' Booker, Damien Boykin, Neil Sebree and Jon 'Bastos' Bello.

And good luck to the lot of 'em!

For more details, have a click of this.

Right, gotta go.

I've been dying to fire this AK for ages.


See also Cardboard Shell on a roll, posted 10/6/13.


To fully understand why the office is under armed siege, make sure you read Personal bests galore, posted 25/6/13.


Do you like our Sandi's scribblings? If so, why not befriend her on that FaceBook thing? We don't let her out much, see, preferring instead to shackle her to her desk inside an indestructible cage (it's actually a Perspex box with a couple of air holes stabbed into it with a chisel). As such, she's terribly lonely and unloved. Please find it in your heart to help her before her constant whining drives us to kill her with a sharpened curtain rod. Remember, Sandi's life is in YOUR hands so get 'friending', or whatever the trendy modern verb is. Please. She's just started crying again.



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