Adverts, innum?
dick rampant

EATING & DRINKING

Megatoad makes it three

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted September 15, 2013
joey chestnut matt stonie miki sudo sam barclay gyoza
Top Three plus emcee: Jaws, Megatoad, Miki and Barclay. © Pablo Martinez

Megatoad sets new gyoza record, usurping Jaws while Miki Sudo takes bronze.


Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie has chalked up his third tucker take-down triumph to date over fellow San Jose-based superscarfer Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut with a belly-busting belly bonanza of 268 gyoza in 10 minutes at the Major League Eating- (MLE) sanctioned Day-Lee Foods World Gyoza Eating Championship in LA, CA, USA.

In terms of prizes, the all-you-can-eat gobathon, staged at the JACCC Plaza this past Saturday (17/8/13) as part of the Nisei Week Foundation Festival to promote Japanese and Japanese-American culture1 and described by MLE as "a marquee event on the MLE calendar that pits MLE's finest against deliciousness and one another", culminated in Megatoad grabbing two grand (£1,284), a case of Sapporo beer and a free flight to Tokyo and back courtesy of Malaysia Airlines.

Moreover, facing off against one of the toughest onslaughts of alimentary athleticism imaginable, the 21-year-old Megatoad didn't simply content himself with swiping Jaws' gyoza crown in front of several hundred eyewitnesses in broad bloody daylight.

Instead, in a further act of audaciously audacious audacity, the cheeky young pup also pulled out his pillicock and piddled like a pony over the 266-gyoza record set by Jaws at last year's championship chowdown.

Metaphorically, of course.

He didn't really get his JT out and start squirting steaming pee-pee everywhere.

We assume.

After all, we weren't there to see any of it and not because we're currently being held captive in the stinking, slimy, shit-filled sewerage tanks of an intergalactic galleon crewed by a gang of incredibly vicious short-arsed space pirates neither.

Because we're not.

Rather, we were unable to savour the sight of Megatoad setting a new world record while dethroning Jaws in an epicurean re-enactment of the Battle of Hastings for the simple reason that at that precise point in time we were the subject of an interplanetary transaction that has now returned us to Earth.

To the former Celtic kingdom of Cornwall in fact.

Yep, Cornwall, or Kernow as it's known in the local Celtic tongue, the ancient land of Druids that gave the world the Cornish pasty, stargazy pie and, of course, a certain incredibly beautiful and gifted female churnalist by the name of Sandi Toxic, aka yours truly.

And trust me, it's great to be back.

It's just a shame that having been exchanged for a handful of shiny beads and a Pot Noodle, I now find myself penned up inside a giant wicker man within a scared stone circle on Bodmin Moor about to be set on fire by a coven of witches long in mystical contact with the very same aliens that not only robbed me of my liberty in the first place, but who were also behind a series of fortean power cuts in nearby St Austell this past November.

Don't believe me?

Then have a read of the local rag.

Electricity-thieving space pirates in league with human-sacrificing pagans?

Whatever next?

History repeating itself, that's what.

For in something of a rerun of the World Deep-Fried Asparagus Eating Championship2 in Stockton, California that Megatoad won this past April 27, the unseated Jaws came second, securing silver worth $1,400 with a gut count of 251 gyoza, followed by MLE newcomer and flippin' veritable wonder woman Miki Sudo, who bagged bronze and sponds with a street value of $800 for her engorgement of 208 Japanese dumpling jobbies, which, as the contest's highest female tummy tally, also landed her a free trip to Tokyo to boot.

At the same time, fellow rookie Jeff 'the Beast Man' Butler amassed $600 thanks to his fourth-placed engobulation of 160, nudging out 'the Lovely' Juliet Lee, who gobbled back 155 to land $400.

But that's not all because with a total purse of $6,000 up for grabs, Michelle 'Cardboard Shell' Lesco and Juan 'More Bite' Rodriguez both netted $250 after tying for sixth with 142 potstickers down their gullets while Pablo 'Pabs' Martinez, another recent entrant to the MLE arena, crammed 141 of the things down his craw to claim $125 for eighth.

Meanwhile, in a much welcomed blast from the past, Rich 'the Locust' LeFevre came out of semi-retirement after winning a charity auction spot with a bid of $202, just under half of which he promptly won back when he racked up a gut count of 139 gyoza to snaffle sausage worth $100 and place one notch up from Steve Hendry, who slew 117 to nab $75 for 10th.


matt megatoad stonie with 2013 gyoza trophy
Gyoza guzzler: Megatoad with his trophy and new robes of office. © MLE


TOP CONTEST
One of the more generous contests with regard to the number of cash prizes on the go (10 in total as opposed to the usual three or five), the Day-Lee Foods World Gyoza Eating Championship was clearly a hit with the gurgitators.

"I had heard great things about this contest, but all the organisers as well as the sponsors (Day-Lee Foods in particular) blew my expectations out of the water," Miki exclusively twitterises the Rake & Herald.

"Everyone involved was not only organised, but so eager to put on a great event and their passion really showed."

"I'm definitely looking forward to next year."

"At every contest my one constant goal is to place where I rank in the roster or better (in this case, third after Joey and Matt)."

"This was my first time eating gyoza in quantity, but I also aimed to join the 200 club – kinda arbitrary but there's something about round numbers and 'clubs' (double deuce in hot dogs, etc) that's fun to strive for."

"I met both those goals and I'm happy with my performance," she reports, describing the gyoza as "definitely tougher to consume" than she had initially expected.

"Matt and Joey are phenomenal."

"I'm still new to this and I have to choose my battles."

"I didn't expect to catch either one at this event, but we'll see what happens at Nugget Ribs [this coming August 28]."

But the gyoza gourmandising wasn't just about rocketing down as much grub against the clock as humanly possible.

There was also a social dimension as well.

"It's always great to see familiar faces on the circuit – Rich and Carlene [LeFevre] even made a surprise appearance," Miki says.

"Great job to everyone who competed and thanks to all who hung out afterward for a fun night."

"I thought placing behind Matt, Joey and Miki, three of the top eaters in the world, was a solid showing because this was a stacked event with a lot of good eaters," the Beast Man exclusively facebookulates the Rake & Herald.

"I was nervous because I wasn't that familiar with the food and it's hard to predict how the texture of food in eating competitions will be sometimes."

"The gyoza I had were cold and hard so I tried to grab 10 at a time, wet them in warm water then roll them into a ball so I could eat a lot of them quickly."

"Next year, I will just work on my stomach capacity and hope to place in the Top Three."

"I also want to eat cleaner because I was deducted 15 gyoza for messy eating this time."

"I kept hearing [emcee] Sam Barclay's voice saying: 'Beast Man, clean it up!'"

"The sponsors were great," More Bite also exclusively informs the Rake & Herald via the Book of Face.

"They are one of the reasons I returned to compete."

"As for the contest, I felt like I did better than my number showed."

But how do these potsticker chappies compare to other food-fighting foods?

"Gyoza, to me, seem a bit more difficult than hot dogs," More Bite reports, "but I still love eating them nonetheless."

"I look forward to returning next year."

"The contest was amazing," Pabs concurs via another exclusive facebookularisationalism with the Rake & Herald.

"I'm pleased with my performance," he says, noting, like the Beast Man, that "the competition was stacked this year".

"I never had eaten gyoza in a contest so I didn't know what to expect," Pabs continues, reporting that they were in fact "very good".

"I'm definitely coming back next year," he says.

"I would've liked to place higher of course, but there were a lot of great eaters at this one and it will just make me have to work harder in the future," Steve Hendry reports in an equally exclusive converfacebookation with the Rake & Herald.

"Also, any time I improve my numbers is a good day."

"My goal was 150, which I will be shooting for next year."

"The gyoza were delicious, of course, and this is one of my favourite contests on the MLE circuit."

"Cory [Hayashi] and everybody else that put the event together are so helpful, organised and nice."

"I had such an awesome time at the contest and afterwards hanging with everybody."

"I have ribs, the Buffalo Buffet Bowl and Buffalo wings to prepare for now and hopefully I put up a better performance at these contests."

"Regardless how I perform, every contest is still fun for me."

And that, sir, is an attitude we here at the Rake & Herald very much commend.

"The contest went well and the crowd was great," Neslie 'Sweetness' Ricasa, who placed 14th with 59 gyoza jammed down her jaws, tells the Rake & Herald via another exclusive communifacebookation.

"I'm happy to have had the opportunity to be a part of it all," she says, despite describing her performance as "lacking".

"I got sick in the week leading up to the contest so I never got the chance to practice, which would've given me some insight on what to expect."

"I was way too nervous going in and didn't do as well as I wanted, but it's not a big deal."

"It's not like I ever planned on breaking any records or anything."

"I have never competed with anything other than hot dogs, so joining this contest was tempting because gyoza is one of my favourite foods."

"But it was tough."

"They're so small and I kept feeling like I could keep making room for one more and before I knew it I had a mouthful of gyoza and not even enough room to take a drink to wash them down."

"Bad technique, I know."

But what about all the celebrity gossip us gutter hacks feed off?

Go on, spill the beans.

What was it like eating off against her 'significant other', i.e. the one they call Jaws?

"Going head-to-head with Joey?"

"Yeah, right."

"It never felt like that."

"And we're always on the same team."

"I looked back at him a few times to make sure he was doing alright."

"But it's tough competing at the same contest."

"I can't just decide I want to join a contest 'for fun' and expect it not to interfere with his routine."

"He is the best and has a lot more on the line in competitions, so I would much rather be down in front yelling at him and making sure he's not slacking off."

"There's some fun in that too, you know."

But whether you're up on stage stuffing your pie hole or down the front screaming your tonsils out, there is simply "no place like home sweet California", says Mary 'I Love 'Em Hot!' Bowers, who placed 15th with 53 gyoza down her north.

"It was great to have my friends there for the show," she exclusively contwittulates the Rake & Herald.

"It would have been nice to have higher numbers, but they are moving in the right direction so overall it was still a good day."

And what's more, thanks to her keen eye for sartorial style and exquisite elegance, it was also a great day for fashion, with I Love 'Em Hot! sporting sushi shoes, a sushi skirt and a Day Lee Foods top "accessorised with gyoza fascinator and handbag".

But with I Love 'Em Hot! currently "working on designs for a handbag line", what was her take on More Bite's shades and headband combo, his trademark battledress that has long marked him out as the official Rake & Herald best dressed gurgitator?

"Juan More Bite gave a noble effort, but I think he needs to bedazzle his look next time around," she says.

So can we expect to see More Bite bedecked in tinsel and silver baubles at his next chowdown or maybe just sporting a couple of extra pairs of shades?

Who knows?

Certainly not Rake & Herald fashion editor, London cabbie and self-appointed competitive eating pundit Kok 'Bloody' Wang, who, quite frankly, doesn't know his arse from his elbow, especially when it comes to threads and things.

Isn't that right, Kok, you f--king wanker?


jon bastos bello eating gyoza
Don't talk with yer mouth full! Bastos in action. © Jo Alvaro


KOK AND THE FOURTH ESTATE
Shut it, scampi pants, or I'll kick you in the mooey again.

Anyway, you're from Cornwall.

Why don't you do something useful an' get these bloody inbred yokels to call off their bleedin' blood sacrifice?

[Derr, thick boy! And how would their apples grow if I did that?]

Oh, yeah.

Good point, Sand.

I 'adn't thought abaht that.

[Face it, Kok. It's over. I know what these people are like. I've been selling mandrake and henbane to covens like this for years. You're not in the city now, you know. It's the way of the country. They need a sacrifice to ensure the fertility of the land. It's just the way things work, Kok. Accept it. We're gonna burn. And while I'm not too chuffed about it, I can at least take comfort in the fact you're about to die horribly even if I am as well.]

Yeah, I know what you mean, Sand.

It's only the thought of your skin blistering away to carbon that keeps me goin' as I stare into the 'ungry jaws of death.

Still, what a great result for Megatoad!

But rather than just banging on abaht 'ow bloody good 'e is – which I've done on countless occasions, even gettin' his name tattooed across me knuckles an' then carved on me frontal lobe with a penknife – I wanna vent some spleen at those bleedin' 'acks in the mainstream press.

Yeah, those tossers.

Maybe it's just 'cos of my imminent immolation at the 'ands o' the keepers o' the Old Religion, but a couple o' things I've read online lately have got right up my 'ooter, I can bleedin' tell ya.

First of all, TM Bloody Z.

While I'm well 'appy they reported on the gyoza gobathon, breaking the news that Jaws never found 'is rhythm an' that Megatoad expected to fart a lot afterwards, I still wanna stab 'em in the nuts with a pencil for their 'eadline Joey Chestnut tastes defeat.

OK, technically it's metaphorically correct, I'll grant ya that.

'Owever, to me at least it kinda implies that last Saturday's jaw joustin' was the first time Jaws 'ad ever lost, which it bloody weren't.

After all, a few weeks back, after I'd been killed as a result of a fatal anal probe administered by that Nurse Draper an' then brought back to life as a disembodied brain by them aliens what rescued us from that armed siege, I distinctly recall pointin' out courtesy of the ever excellent Eat Feats database that Jaws at the time 'ad competed in 156 prior MLE-sanctioned chowdowns since 2005 of which he had won 106.

That has now risen to 107 wins out of 159 championships and qualifiers, unless, of course, this calculator's facked like a two-bit brass in a rugby club shower.

Providin' it's not, that works out as a bloody well impressive win rate of 67.295597484277%.

Nevertheless, it still means 'e's been beaten 52 times, four o' those defeats comin' so far this year: three times by Megatoad, in asparagus, slugburgers and now gyoza, and once in ribs by the fantastic Miki Sudo.

Which brings me onto another thin' what's been yankin' me chain.

A few days ago or thereabouts, Vice, which, it 'as to be said, does put out some well interestin' videos, ran some blog entry entitled Competitive eating's next great rivalry is Chestnut versus Stonie.

No fackin' shit, Sherlock!

'Onestly, Vice, where the fack 'ave you been these bleedin' past donkey's years?

On the fackin' ball or what?

I've been bangin' on abaht that for bleedin' fackin' ages, mate.

In fact, after last year's gyoza championship it was me what fackin' well shot Dick Rampant in the arm when 'e dared to doubt my prediction that in a couple o' years Megatoad will surpass Jaws as the number one gurgitator on the MLE circuit.

But there's more to it than just that 'cos things 'ave changed since then, my son.

Now, as anyone who ain't got their fackin' 'ead up their arse can see, it's bleedin' well turning into a three-way race, innit?

Course it fackin' is.

Ya see, while that Vice piece on the whole was pretty good apart from all that guff at the start, it completely overlooked the existence of Miki Sudo, the woman settin' the bleedin' world o' gurgitation alight like it was a bleedin' great wicker man full o' sacrificial victims in soddin' Cornwall.

She may be in 'er rookie year right now but you mark my words, she's destined for the top and both Jaws an' Megatoad are gonna 'ave to fight like fackin' devils to stop 'er.

She's fackin' ace, Miki: natural ability fired up by a steely determination and the sheer will power to win.

Like Eric 'Badlands' Booker, she's "'ungry and focused" an' as long as she stays that way she's gonna be the fackin' business!

Now, don't get me wrong.

I don't wanna go placin' any unnecessary burdens o' pressure on Miki.

Neither do I wanna in any way belittle the abilities of either Jaws, Megatoad or indeed any other alimentary athlete out there, whether it's Tim 'Eater X' Janus, Sonya 'the Black Widow' Thomas, Bob 'Notorious B.O.B.' Shoudt or Adrian 'the Rabbit' Morgan to name just four.

I just know she's fackin' fantastic an' even though it don't look much like I gonna be around for the Nugget Ribs bash in Reno next week, my money says Miki walks it.

But then it would do 'cos she's fackin' ace.

Anyway, 'avin' just 'ad a pop at a couple o' flaccid news organs, it's now time to pay respect to two solid sources of info and insight what've been covering the sport far more thoroughly than either TMZ or Vice an' for a lot longer than us to boot.

I speak, of course, o' BB.com an' Eat Feats, so major shouts out to 'Beautiful' Brian Seiken an' OJ Rifkin, respectively.

Unlike these rags what cover one contest once in a blue moon an' then fack off again, both BB.com an' Eat Feats boast the sort of comprehensive competitive eatin' coverage we 'ere at the Rake & Herald can only dream of.

So keep the good work up, BB an' OJ.

We salute the pair of ya!

It's good to know then when me and Sand are burnt to a crisp in a few minutes, there'll still be websites worth their salt out there reportin' on the greatest sport on Earth.

An' now I've got that off me chest I'm ready to meet me maker.

Agen.

I just wish me loaf wasn't still on the wrong way round.

Not that that sort of pony matters much when yer brown bread, mind.

Or should I say 'toast'?


FULL RESULTS
It's not often I agree with you, Kok, but on this occasion as we prepare to keep our appointment with the wicker man, I can't help but do just that.

Hats off to both BB.com and Eat Feats!

And of course, MLE and Megatoad, from whose respective Twitter feed and YouTube channel we've grabbed the following results (annotated with last year's totals where applicable).

All errors our own.


1) Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie (268 gyoza in 10 minutes; $2,000; case of Sapporo beer; flight to Tokyo; up from 234 last year);

2) Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut (251; $1,400; case of Sapporo beer; down from 266);

3) Miki Sudo (204; $800; case of Sapporo beer; flight to Tokyo);

4) Jeff 'the Beast Man' Butler (160; $600);

5) 'The Lovely' Juliet Lee (155; $400; down from 157);

=6) Michelle 'Cardboard Shell' Lesco (142; $250; up from 131);

=6) Juan 'More Bite' Rodriguez (142; $250; down from 146);

8) Pablo 'Pabs' Martinez (141; $125);

9) Rich 'the Locust' LeFevre (139; $100);

10) Steve Hendry (117; $75; up from 101);

11) Dax 'the Ginger' Swanson (93; up from 85);

12) Jon 'Bastos' Bello (80);

13) Chiun 'Chillin' Peng (75);

14) Neslie 'Sweetness' Ricasa (59);

15) Mary 'I Love 'Em Hot!' Bowers (53; up from 48);

16) Nana Takei (34); and

17) Chris Erskine (30).


Major congratulations and pats on the backs to all who took part or had a hand in Saturday's gyoza engorgement in any way whatsoever and, of course, huge, huge, thanks and gratitude to Miki, the Beast Man, More Bite, Pabs, Steve Hendry, Sweetness and I Love 'Em Hot! for their exclusive quotes.

Seriously, we know it's a hassle, but monstrously big thanks indeed for talking to us.

May you all sail forward on calm seas to victory in all that you do!

But before you do that, here's a vid taken from Megatoad's aforementioned YouTube channel that once again proves that he's not just a great gurgitator but also a darn good filmmaker.

And if you're still hungry for contest footage afterwards, give this and this a click.





Right, gotta go.

The head witch just gave the order to "sacrifice the outsiders!".

Hang on.

I know her.

F--k me!

It's Mad Ron's sister!

Ere, Cozza, g'is a go on your mushrooms then.


See also Megatoad slugs Jaws in Corinth, posted 16/7/13.


To fully understand why Sandi and Kok are stuck inside a wicker man, make sure you read Miki sets kimchi record, posted 13/8/13. Meanwhile, to get a feel for their predicament, have a watch of this.


Do you like our Sandi's scribblings? If so, why not befriend her on that FaceBook thing? We don't let her out much, see, preferring instead to shackle her to her desk inside an indestructible cage (it's actually a Perspex box with a couple of air holes stabbed into it with a chisel). As such, she's terribly lonely and unloved. Please find it in your heart to help her before her constant whining drives us to kill her with a sharpened curtain rod. Remember, Sandi's life is in YOUR hands so get 'friending', or whatever the trendy modern verb is. Please. She's just started crying again.


Footnote


1) According to Wikipedia, Nisei "is a Japanese-language term used in countries in North America, South America and Australia to specify the children born to Japanese people in the new country (who are called Issei)". So there.

2) This year's Stockton asparagus clash resulted in Megatoad's first victory over Jaws. It also marked the first appearance of Miki Sudo as a fully signed-up MLE eater. The three met again a few weeks later at the Niko Niko's World Gyro Eating Championship in Houston, Texas, an event that saw Jaws winning gold, Megatoad silver and Miki bronze. According to some recent Eat Feats number crunching, that gyos result also perfectly reflects the current Top Three MLE eaters, i.e. Jaws, Megatoad and Miki.




Share this story, yeah?

MORE FROM EATING & DRINKING

All eyes on Hooters

sonya

Forget that over-hyped pile of crap in London. The real sporting action will be taking place this July at a Hooters restaurant in Florida.

Aussie bar prices outrageous, Muriel!

outrage down under

If you go to Melbourne expecting to party hard with grog-swilling ockers then you're in for a bit of a shock. And so too is your wallet.

Ronnie's off to Coney

about to eat

The Real American and the Deep-Fried Diva win through to Nathan's while Megatoad gobbles to glory on his birthday.

SHARE THE RAKE