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Man Eater opens in London

By sea monkey affairs correspondent Lee Allen

Posted August 21, 2017
Man Eater, London's first cannibal café
Fixie bikes and flesh fixations: Man Eater offers 'unrivalled urban cannibal cool'. © Ignatius Rake

New hipster hang-out puts real human flesh on the menu. Lee Allen has the details.

Man Eater, London's first cannibal café, has just opened in the heart of trendy Shoreditch in the city's East End.

Having successfully trialled pop-ups in Germany and Russia, Grant Mather, the brains behind the operation, decided it was time to bring Man Eater to the capital.

Having raised over £200k ($257k) through crowdfunding late last year, the controversial café finally opened its doors last week, and while business has been slow, Mather expects all that to change very soon.

"Beef consumption has long been on a sharp decline, resulting from the growing ethical and environmental concerns surrounding cattle farming," Mather says, predicting that "more sustainable" human meat will become increasingly popular as a result.

"Quite frankly there are too many people on the planet, and if only 5% of the population were to move over to a cannibalistic diet, we would be able to bring human populations back under control," he continues, oblivious to the holes in the neo-Malthusian argument that underpins his logic.

Either way, the Man Eater menu features a number of takes on old British classics, including the 'Man Shank'; the pricey 'Actual Shepherds Pie'; and the restaurant's signature dish, 'Toad in the Skull', which will set you back £14.99 a pop.

And for any customers who are feeling thirsty, or shall we say blood thirsty, Man Eater is also offering up the world's first 'Real Bloody Mary'.

chilli and excrement cupcakes
Not just flesh and blood: The chilli and excrement cupcakes are also proving a hit. Public domain

Keen to find out what the public thought, we spoke to two customers, husband and wife, Ken and Iris, who had travelled down from Wales for the weekend.

"I found it all very unusual myself but Ken's enjoyed it," Iris told us between gulps of vodka, blood and tomato juice.

"I have," Ken confirmed.

"It's the first time I've eaten a vagina in four years."

The café's opening has, however, sparked outrage in the local area; protestors gathered outside on opening day with banners denouncing gentrification, while MP for Shoreditch and South Hackney Meg Hillier called it "wholly unethical".

Mather, though, was quick to dismiss such concerns, assuring customers that "all of our produce is free range".

"Even the Cock au Vin."

See also Ding Dong Merrily on High, posted 18/8/17.

Lee Allen
is a London-based adland creative who's work you can find here. You can also follow him on Twitter and Instagram by clicking this and this, respectively.

Engage with the Rake & Herald on FaceBook here and Twitter here. Better still, buy a T-shirt here.

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