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EATING & DRINKING

Let's get pizza!

By competitive eating editor Naader 'Freak8r' Reda

Posted May 16, 2013
naader reda attacks a 30-inch pizza
Snack attack: Sometimes a man's just gotta eat a bloody huge pizza. © Naader Reda

A 30" pizza in under three hours? Sounds like a job for a freak eater...


My silence lately is probably the result of having too full a mouth.

At least no one has been floating around rumours of my death.

Anything of the sort is exaggerated.

Clearly.

The same day that Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie provided a shocking asparagus upset to world champion Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut, I was busy eating pizza.

A small shop in Orange County, California was offering $1,000 to the unwise soul who could stomach a 30" (76.2 cm) monster pizza in under three hours.

Surfside Pizza in San Clemente surely put it's money where its mouth was... or rather right in the palm of my hands.

A 30" 10 lb (4.5 kg) pizza is no easy feat, but then again I'm no ordinary diner.

My competition was tough, but Kevin Ross and Jimmy Lin are no strangers to the table.

It was an honour and a privilege to outlast them in this digestive juggernaut.

The middle saucy parts of the pizza were my favorite, whereas the incredibly doughy outer edges were laborious tasks to consume.

Have a watch.

But be warned: this video is not for the faint of heart as it contains a scene of human misfortune.

Mid-contest vomiting, the scourge of the competitive eater!





What did I do with the $1,000 prize?

I have no idea, because Uncle Sam confiscated most of it and I was so pizza drunk afterward that I could barely move my eyes.

Hopefully, it ended up in my bank account somehow.

Well, if that was then, what is now?

I've been busy teaching like a freak (in the classroom, mind you – world history) and creating stupid YouTube eating challenge stunts.

Observe this act of folly, drinking a gallon of lime for a "world record".





And here, adding wasabi to my chocolate cake – because clearly the cake wasn't punishment enough.

The Incredible Hulk would be proud.





What's coming up?

Probably a burger eating contest or something.

I'll have to let you know, but only when I'm done chewing the fat.


The above videos were all embedded from Freak8r's excellent Freak Eating YouTube channel. Check it out. It's ace.


See also Easter everywhere, posted 4/4/13.


Naader 'Freak8r' Reda
is a California-based competitive eater with a pedigree as long as a docker's tea break. In 2011, in addition to competing in numerous contests and championships, he set himself the gargantuan goal of taking on 100 eating challenges across North America. He won 97. In recognition of this, All Pro Eating crowned him the World's Top Food Challenger. The man can eat. But more than that, he can also write. As such, the Rake & Herald is truly honoured to also crown him the World's Top Competitive Eating Editor. The dude's a dude, dude. And if you're still not convinced, get a load of this. In addition to being a phenomenal gurgitator, Freak8r also teaches history to high school students. We reckon his lessons must be ace. Heck, if he were our teacher, we'd even do our homework. Some of the time, anyway.


Remember to watch Freak8r take on the likes of Miki Sudo, Dax 'the Ginger' Swanson and Jimmy Lin in Stuffed, the new online competitive eating show presented by Patrick 'Deep Dish' Bertoletti and Tim 'Gravy' Brown on the Tasted YouTube channel. Heck, here's episode four. And man, major respect to Jimmy Lin for smashing Megatoad's sushi bowl record. Fair play, sir!





WARNING! Competitive eating can be dangerous. As well as choking hazards there is also the possibility of poisoning yourself, something that could lead to hospitalisation, permanent health damage and even death. Don't believe us? Read this. As such, the Rake & Herald does not recommend you try emulating the above video(s) yourself. Seriously. We are NOT joking. You have been warned.




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