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EATING & DRINKING

Kok Wang was right!

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted July 28, 2015
matt megatoad stonie wins 2015 hooters wing eating final
Head to head at Hooters: Jaws (left) battles Megatoad (right). © Hooters

After Nathan's, Megatoad now beats Jaws at Hooters; Kok Wang exonerated for 2012 Dick Rampant shooting.


First of all he did the almost unthinkable and swiped the Nathan's crown that had sat on the head of Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut for a full eight years with a gob count of 62 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes this past July 4.

Then, 10 days later, he achieved the even more almost unthinkable and knocked Jaws off the #1 spot at the top of the Major League Eating (MLE) rankings on which said Jaws had perched as if welded there for, er, a very long time as well.


HOOTERS HERO
Then, this past Saturday (25/715), he accomplished the almost even more almost unthinkable and stole Jaws' wing eating orb and sceptre with an engobulation of 241 formerly feathered fowl flappers in 10 minutes at the 2015 Hooters Worldwide Wing Eating Championship Finals in Clearwater, Florida.

What's more, in so doing he not only scooped sponds worth $8,500 (£5,460) and a well natty surfboard, but he also again unseated Jaws – who had claimed gold in every instalment of the championship since its inception three years agoand set a new world record to boot.

Trust me, I'm loathed to admit it but Rake & Herald fashion editor, loudmouth London cabbie, armed robber and self-appointed competitive eating pundit Kok 'Bloody' Wang was right all along.

Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie, to quote the fat tosser sitting next to me, is indeed "yer man".

Isn't that right, Kok, you putrid pile of pus?


matt megatoad stonies wins surfboard at hooters
Surfin' Bird: Megatoad with his Hooters prize. © Hooters


KOK DRIBBLE
Shut it, Sandi, you dozy old mare.

And yeah, it is.

I bleedin' well said back in 2012, when I shot Rake & Herald crime editor Dick Rampant in the arm, that this would happen and, as much as I bloody love Jaws and always will, the fact is I was fackin' right.

Again.

So bow down to the Kok, you cow!

But not before bowing down to the Megatoad first, of course.

Up from third last year to nab the crown jewels and a bloody big surfboard to boot.

What's more, according to the ever excellent Eat Feats, that was the first wing eating contest he's ever won and what a top-flight gobathon in which to do it!

This, mate, is the year of the Toad.

You mark my words.

In fact, he's won every contest he's entered this year, which is even the more remarkable when you consider that this 23-year-old is also (if I've got me facts straight) the youngest and smallest ranked eater on the MLE circuit.

Face it, he's bloody mint!

And I always said he was.

You know what?

I'm gonna get 'Megatoad' tattooed across me forehead to go with the 'Megatoad' I've already got inked across me knuckles, ain't I?

So gi's yer bloody purse, you melt.

I'm off down Biker Bill's Backstreet Budget Tattoo and Cock Piercing Parlour to get it done now.

If the Elf and Safety ain't closed him down yet, that is.

Dirty needles?

I'll shit 'em!


FULL RESULTS
Hmm, thanks, Kok.

Why not get 'Hepatitis' tattooed on your tits while you're at it?

I hear they're doing a special on HIV this week as well.

Anyway, here's the full results based on the Eat Feats database, the MLE website and the MLE Twitter feed.


Hooters Worldwide Wing Eating Championship Finals, Clearwater, Florida, US of A (25/7/15)
1) Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie (241 chicken wings in 10 minutes (up from 165 last year); world record; $8,500; and a surfboard);

2) Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut (200 (up from 182); $4,200);

3) Adrian 'the Rabbit' Morgan (194 (up from 174); $2,500);

4) Yasir Salem (192; $1,200);

5) Gideon Oji (170; $600);

6) Michelle 'Cardboard Shell' Lesco (158 (up from 142); $300);

7) Miki Sudo (154 (up from 146); $200);

=8) Sonya 'the Black Widow' Thomas (126);

=8) 'The Lovely' Juliet Lee (126 (down from 154));

10) Juan 'More Bite' Rodriguez (118 (down from 132));

11) Rich 'the Locust' LeFevre (116);

12) Steve Hendry (114); and

13) Erik 'the Red' Denmark (106 (down from 132)).


TV TIME
As ever, major salutes to each and every gurgitator who took part in the chowdown; MLE chairman George Shea, who yet again proved beyond all doubt that he is most definitely the emcee of emcees; all who spectated; and everyone else who in any way had a hand in putting on the contest, photographing it and/or filming it.

And an extra dollop of hat doffings to Nigeria's Gideon Oji.

Fifth in this one and a pretty tasty 13th in Nathan's.

Not bad for a newbie, if you ask me.

Could be a name to watch.

And on the subject of watching, here's the official footage of Megatoad's victory, embedded here on the food-fighting-tastic Rake & Herald from the Hooters YouTube channel, which you can check out here.

Kriss Kross, anyone?




Right, gotta go.

Got an appointment down the GU clinic and I'm already three weeks late.

Honestly, it's like someone rubbed chilli all round me gash.

Again.


See also Megatoad wins Nathan's, posted 5/7/15, and Jaws grabs big pair of Hooters, posted 12/8/13.


Sandi Toxic
was raised by wolves inside a disused clay pit near Lanjeth. You can befriend her on FaceBook here. She is still quite feral.




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