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EATING & DRINKING

It lives, I tell you!

By competitive eating editor Naader 'Freak8r' Reda

Posted January 15, 2013
the frankenstein burger
Not for the fainthearted: The twisted genius of the Frankenstein Burger. © Naader Reda

If Dr Frankenstein owned a fast food joint, this is what he'd sell. But could he eat it as fast as Naader 'Freak8r' Reda? We think not.


I have a fondness for attempting to eat entire restaurant menus.

The gag is helped along by various fast food establishments.

When I see a sign that says 'Value Menu', 'Dollar Menu', or 'Saver Menu', it's like a challenge to see if I can achieve maximum value by consuming everything offered at one time.

Maybe it's a bad idea to be thinking this way so soon after Christmas.

After all, most everyone eats a lot then and they regret it for several months into the New Year.

So I advise viewer discretion before reading any further about my recent fast food burger creation.


THE MODERN PROMETHEUS
One night, I pulled up to the drive-thru at Carl's Jr, a national burger chain in the States.

I was looking for the usual value menu to purchase, assemble and demolish, but unfortunately I didn't see one advertised.

I did see a chicken sandwich for a dollar, a burger for just a tad more, a taco for 50 cents and a signature burger going for cheap... so an idea was born.

What if I ordered all these different items, mashed them together and made a meal out of it?

And so it was done.

It was difficult to figure out how to stack the tacos inside the sandwich, but I managed.

Smashed the corn shells good.

Three burgers, two tacos and a chicken sandwich melded together to form the Frankenstein Burger.

Faux Mexican and American cuisine was united in a caloric monster.

Yum!


THE FREAK8R'S VERDICT
It was delicious.. the salty corn crunch was a righteous compliment to the spiciness of the breaded chicken and the taste of the charbroiled meat.

$6.70 were never spent better, or so my taste buds told me that night.

Hunger is the mother and father of innovation.

Necessity too, but there was nothing necessary about this burger.

It was excess.

But sometimes a man needs excess.

Lots and lots of calories.

Now excuse me as I head off to the gym to get rid of this Holiday gut.

I hear Jamie McDonald calling me, and that never bodes well for my waistline.


You've read his report. Now watch Freak8r in action as he takes on this culinary chimera while fending off a thousand angry villagers brandishing flaming torches, scythes and miscellaneous items of olde worlde agricultural equipment. Or maybe that's a different film...




You can see more acts of fearless freak eating and digestional derring-do at Freak8r's YouTube channel here.


See also Six thousand colourful calories, posted 1/11/12.


Naader 'Freak8r' Reda
is a California-based competitive eater with a pedigree as long as a docker's tea break. In 2011, in addition to competing in numerous contests and championships, he set himself the gargantuan goal of taking on 100 eating challenges across North America. He won 97. In recognition of this, All Pro Eating crowned him the World's Top Food Challenger. The man can eat. But more than that, he can also write. As such, the Rake & Herald is truly honoured to also crown him the World's Top Competitive Eating Editor. The dude's a dude, dude. And if you're still not convinced, get a load of this. In addition to being a phenomenal gurgitator, Freak8r also teaches history to high school students. We reckon his lessons must be ace. Heck, if he were our teacher, we'd even do our homework. Some of the time.


WARNING! Competitive eating can be dangerous. As well as choking hazards there is also the possibility of poisoning yourself, something that could lead to hospitalisation, permanent health damage and even death. Don't believe us? Read this. Consequently, the Rake & Herald does not recommend you try emulating the above video(s) yourself. Seriously. We are NOT joking. You have been warned.




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