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Happy birthday, Molly!

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted December 09, 2015
molly schuyler
Birthday girl: Molly after winning the Hwy 55 Five Five challenge in April. © Molly Schuyler

The R&H wishes many happy returns to Molly Schuyler, one of the greatest gurgitators ever. Fact.

There are plenty of exceptionally talented superscarfers out there.

Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut, Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie, Miki Sudo, Takeru 'the Tsunami' Kobayashi and the Rake & Herald's very own competitive eating editor Naader 'Freak8r' Reda to name but a few.

However, one gurgitator we abso-bloody-lutely love is the wonderful, the fantastic, the flippin' superhuman Molly Schuyler, whose birthday it just so happens to be today (9/12/15).

So happy birthday, ma'am!

Face it, Molly's bloody amazing.

And if you don't agree, check out her bib sheet on EatFeats then get a load of the following vids.

Now, there are simply shedtonnes out there to choose from, but first up it's one from 2013 that first really hammered home Molly's phenomenal food-fighting skills to us here at the Rake & Herald.

The challenge in question was a 7 lb (3.2 kg) burrito known as the Ultimate Destroyer Burrito.

Which Molly promptly destroyed in 2 minutes 46 seconds.

Not bad, eh?

But what's she like when it comes to seriously supersized steaks?

Well, to be honest, she ain't that sloppy either.

In fact, here she is back in January last year setting a world record for scoffing a 72 oz (2 kg) steak in a mere 2 minutes 44.

Now, after that little performance, you might think she'd've had her fill of cow chunks for a while.

But don't you believe it.

Not our Molly.

In fact, here she is eating three such steaks back-to-back in 20 minutes to win $5,000 (£3,300) at the 72 Ounce Showdown at the Big Texan in Amarillo this past April 19.

But hang on.

That's a lot of meat, I'll grant you.

But what about veggie stuff?

Can she also eat hippy food or is she strictly carnivorous?

Cue 9 lbs of cottage cheese in under 2 minutes at stupid o'clock in the morning.

While chatting on the phone!

Oh, and if you think she's afraid of the hot stuff, here's Molly boshing what is reputed to be the hottest burrito in the world.

I'm not sure exactly how high it scores on the Scoville scale but if Aaron 'the Spicochist' Wakamatsu reckons it's hot, trust me, it must be sodding hot.

Now, I could carry on embedding vids of Molly masticating like a master for the next 64 years, but I shan't because I need to pop to the offie.

However, before I nip out to stock up on cans of Kestrel Super, here she is enjoying a spot of fried food at a place called Fat Sal's.

All 13 lbs of the stuff.

Many happy returns, Molly, and good luck at Wing Bowl in February.

Let's see you lift that crown again.

You're a flippin' legend, ma'am!

The above vids are embedded here on the food-fighting-tastic Rake & Herald from Molly's excellent YouTube channel with the exceptions of the first and fifth, which come from the Spicochist's Aaron's Food Adventures channel, and the third, which comes from Kiss FM 96.9's channel. Check 'em out now. Just make sure you've eaten first or else you might get a tad hungry.

See also Molly wins Wing Bowl XXII, posted 31/1/14, among others.

Sandi Toxic
was raised by wolves inside a disused clay pit near Lanjeth. You can befriend her on FaceBook here. She is still quite feral.

WARNING! Competitive eating can be dangerous. As well as potentially lethal choking hazards there is also the possibility of poisoning yourself, something that could lead to hospitalisation, permanent health damage and even death. Consequently, the Rake & Herald does not recommend you emulate the above video(s) yourself. Seriously. We are NOT joking. You have been warned.

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