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Death Pepper Tequila Tonic

By guest editor Amber Seree

Posted October 13, 2017
Death Pepper Tequila Tonic
Fire in the hole: A Death Pepper Tequila Tonic in action yesterday. © Ignatius Rake

Forget the lemon and salt. Chillies are what your tequila needs. Amber Seree has the low-down.

While braving the wild, exotic lands of California you don't just get to observe hordes of tourists in their natural habitat, roving herds of SJWs champing at the bit to ban books and freedom of thought or gangs of valley girls duck-facing and marking their territories at the mall, but you also get to experience the lively, wonderful cuisine which emerges when Mexicans and hillbillies comingle.

Not only do you get creations like deep-fried huevos rancheros, hot dog taquitos, hot sauce on toast, haggis taco Tuesdays and hot Cheetos with a bagel and cream cheese, you also get things like Death Pepper Tequila Tonic.

Ingredients: fresh hot peppers (I recommend cayenne) and tequila.

That's it, folks!

Chop up the fresh peppers (be sure to get the seeds too) and add them to your tequila.

I would recommend half to one pepper per shot to begin or two if you're brave.

You can make one shot at a time or go all in and convert the whole gallon jug into Liquid Death Valley personified.

(Pro Tip: add a pour spout and use the tonic as a vibrant addition to your stovetop cooking, like steak, stir fry or corn fritters.)

Let the peppers steep in the tequila for as long as you can stand to wait.

Remember: the longer you wait, the hotter it will get!

bowl of chillies
Hot peppers are go: Perfect with tequila. © Ignatius Rake

When the time comes for the spicy deed, shoot it all down, pepper pieces included.


Ride 'em, gauchos!

That's 44 ccs of cleansing hellfire straight into your blood stream.

Hold onto your sombreros and cowboy hats, ladies and caballeros – rocket fuel ain't got shit on this.

Pan dulce or sweet bread on hand might be helpful to cut the fire.

Hillbillies suggest having a hankie nearby for excess snot, ear wax, phlegm and other bodily fluids being ejected violently from your person.

Expect possible bowel excretions as well.

Hey, better out than in, right?

Disclaimer: proceed with caution, I am not a medical practitioner.

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Hot peppers, or chillies (or chilies in the States), are popular ingredients of Mexican and Central and South American foods but can also be found many other places in the world.

In general, hot peppers, similar to black pepper, are indeed very good for you, even if they make you sob like Theresa May's poolboy.

Not only are hot peppers rich in antioxidants and high in vitamins, they can cleanse a battle wound and make your ear wax melt out of your head.

They are anti-inflammatory, help with weight loss and metabolism, can provide headache and migraine relief and are great for the heart and blood.

They are also analgesic (pain numbing, also helpful for battle wounds) and anti-cancer.

If you don't believe me, here are some people other people usually believe who say something similar: Oprah; Livestrong; Time; Natural News; or see your local library for herbal medicine manuals.

AYYYY homies, cheers!

See also Hot takes!, posted 4/9/17.

Amber Seree
is a US-based artist and writer whose website you are strongly advised to check out here. You can also follow Amber and her work via Twitter, FaceBook, Instagram and DeviantArt here, here, here and here, respectively.

Engage with the Rake & Herald on FaceBook here and Twitter here. Better still, buy a T-shirt here.

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