Saturday March 25, 2017
Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut has again chomped his way into the record books, this time at the Day-Lee Foods World Gyoza-Eating Championship in LA's Little Tokyo.
Hot on the heels of his Taco Bell Why Pay More! Soft Taco Challenge victory in Puerto Rico a week or so ago, Jaws yesterday guzzled his way to victory at the Sixth Annual Day-Lee Foods World Gyoza-Eating Championship in Los Angeles, US of A by scoffing a whopping 266 gyoza Japanese dumpling things in 10 minutes.
If like me you've been to Japan a couple of times but still have no idea what a gyoza is, they're a bit like a Chinese won ton, apparently.
Anyway, in landing his latest crown, Jaws ate his way into the record books by surpassing the previous world best of 264 'potstickers', as these gyoza jobbies are also known, established at last year's event by Patrick 'Deep Dish' Bertoletti, who this year came third with 233 of the little buggers despatched into the darkness of his gut.
Meanwhile, second place again went to Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie, who upped his total from 213 gyoza to 234.
According to a Major League Eating (MLE) press release, Jaws "forged ahead from minute three and never looked back, his mind and body recalling countless victories from his long and lustrous eating career".
"As the minutes passed, the gyoza disappeared in a cascading rain of pure capacity-eating brilliance."
However, the battle for second place was a tad tighter, with Deep Dish incurring a two-gyoza deduction "for debris" that, like a true gentleman and hero, he later acknowledged as being "fair" despite it costing him both kudos and cash.
"[The] gyoza gods were with the Megatoad today as I secured a very close second place with 234 gyoza in 10 minutes," Megatoad said yesterday in one of them Twitter tweets that we're repeating here in an attempt to make it sound like he spoke to us personally.
Sadly, the fact is the only live quote we've got is from Rake & Herald fashion editor, London cabbie and self-appointed competitive eating pundit Kok Wang.
Still, it's better than nothing.
Even if he has been on the Scotch all day.
"Again, top eating from Chestnut but to be honest the man I'm watching is Megatoad," Kok says, pouring himself another four fingers of cheap gold.
"Megatoad's got the skill and charisma to make it really big and what's more he's got youth on his side, what with him being only 20 or something."
"I know his trophy cabinet is still a tad bare compared to Chestnut's but he consistently places second or third or what-have-you and I reckon that in a couple of year's time, if not before, he could well end up out eating even Jaws himself."
"And by that I'm even including the Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest."
"Big talk, I know, but the more I think about it the more convinced I become that Megatoad is the next number one."
"Maybe not this year but not too distant neither," he states, draining his glass in one fluid motion.
Of course not everybody agrees.
In fact some people think he's talking out of his arse.
"I don't agree," says Rake & Herald crime editor Dick Rampant, who's been on the vodka since the horns of the day.
"In fact, I think he's talking out of his arse."
But Kok is quick to respond to his critics.
"Like f--k I am," he snarls, catching Rampant off guard with a Scotch bottle to the chops.
A jab, a hook, an ungainly hay-maker and Rampant's down.
"Megatoad's the next number one!" Kok asserts, slamming a size 10 right into the midst of Rampant's purple plums.
However, Rampant's not finished just yet.
"Chestnut's untouchable," he maintains, picking himself up and dusting himself down.
"Megatoad's a gifted eater, I'll grant you – you've only got to watch his 20 Soggy Hot Dog Bun Challenge to see that – but Chestnut's simply superhuman."
"Sixty-eight hot dogs, 53 soft beef tacos and now 266 gyoza, whatever they are. Face it, no one can touch Jaws," Rampant reasons, deftly raising a chair above his head before bringing it smashing down against Kok's temple.
Blood and bone explode everywhere but – oh, no – who's left that monkey wrench lying around the office?
Kok's far too busy to ponder such a question, mind, as he grabs it, swings it and smacks out all of Rampant's front teeth with a deafening crack.
Spitting out canines, incisors and chunks of former jaw, Rampant then stumbles over to the stationery cupboard, where we also keep the carving knives, cleavers and that chainsaw we found a while back.
Anyway, enough of all that.
Here are yesterday's results and prizes:
1) Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut; 266 gyoza ($2,000);
2) Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie; 234 gyoza ($1,200)
3) Patrick 'Deep Dish' Bertoletti; 233 gyoza ($800)
4) Adrian 'the Rabbit' Morgan; 168 gyoza ($600)
5) 'the Lovely' Juliet Lee; 157 gyoza ($400)
6) Juan 'More Bite' Rodriguez; 146 gyoza ($150)
7) Michelle 'Cardboard Shell' Lesco; 131 gyoza ($125)
8) Kevin 'LA Beast' Strahle; 122 gyoza ($100)
9) Steve 'Probably Not the Scottish Snooker Player But Perhaps It Is' Hendry; 101 gyoza ($75)
10) Dax 'the Ginger' Swanson; 85 gyoza ($50)
11) Naoyuki Kamiya; 65 gyoza
12) Doug Ecks; 64 gyoza
13=) Toshiki Otani; 51 gyoza
13=) Crescenzo 'Australian Flight Attendant' Rillo; 51 gyoza
15) Mary Bowers; 48 gyoza
16) Scott Russell; 45 gyoza
17) Alex Piatt; 30 gyoza
NISEI WEEK OR SOMETHING
The Sixth Annual Day-Lee Foods World Gyoza Eating Championship took place during something called the Nisei Week Street Arts Fair, which, MLE says, "will feature food, games, merchandise vendors, entertainment and the Nisei Week Rubik's Cube Championship".
We understand that the top amateur competitor also landed a special prize but we haven't got a clue what it was.
However, MLE does state that "before the contest, and in accordance with Nisei Week tradition, an auction was held to determine the final available position at the table".
The winner, it appears, was "Australian flight attendant Crescenzo Rillo, a gentlemen who had cut his teeth in the vigorous Adelaide, South Australia pasta-eating scene" and who secured his place after "a tense battle" with a bid of "400 real American dollars".
This compares to last year's winning bid of $60.
Well done, Crescenzo.
But, if after all that you're still wondering what a gyoza actually is, you might want to watch this video of Megatoad eating 100 of them in 101 seconds:
AKRON AND THE OMEN
With the gyoza gobbling done and dusted, all eyes are now on Akron, Ohio and the US National Hamburger-Eating Championship that will take place there later today.
Perhaps even right now in fact.
Set to feature at least two of our all-time favourite gurgitators, viz Eric 'Badlands' Booker and the official Rake & Herald favourite Sonya 'the Black Widow' Thomas, the event looks set to be a right royal stonker.
As we'll be on the other side of the Atlantic, though, it's somewhat unlikely that we'll get to see it live.
Instead, we'll content ourselves with this footage of last week's Second Annual Gringo Bandito Taco Challenge at Chronic Tacos in Huntington Beach, California that top indie eater Damon 'the Omen' Wells kindly brought to our attention.
Nice one, Damon!
And nice one and well done to all those gurgitaors who took part or will take part in all the above-mentioned events.
Right, gotta go.
Kok's just pulled out a pistol.
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