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EATING & DRINKING

Black Widow toppled in Buffalo

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted September 03, 2012
sonya thomas joey chestnut buffalo wing battle
Battle in Buffalo: Where a crown was lost and a new record set. © Buffalowing.com

Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut has usurped Sonya 'the Black Widow' Thomas's Buffalo Wing Eating crown with another world record performance.


Forget what you might have been told in biology.

It appears buffaloes have wings.

And what's more, Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut yesterday ate 191 of them with a combined weight of 7.6 lbs (3.45 kg) in 12 minutes to set yet another world record, this time at the US National Buffalo Wing Eating Championship at the annual National Buffalo Wing Festival in Buffalo, New York, US of A.

In addition to pocketing a first place prize of $1,500, Jaws also dethroned reigning Buffalo wing queen Sonya 'the Black Widow' Thomas, ripping off her crown and ramming it down his gob in an act of gurgitational revolution akin to the storming of the Bastille.

Internationally recognised as the Rake & Herald's favourite competitive eater, the Black Widow had held the title since 2007, last year guzzling back 183 Buffalo wings with a total weight of 6.43 lbs.

However, this year her total wingage of 6.3 lbs was simply not enough to extend her mandate as monarch by another 12 months, although it was still better then the 6.13 lbs Jaws chobbled down a year ago and also more than enough to secure her the second place prize of $750 and a medal.

Meanwhile, the third-placed 'Lovely' Juliet Lee picked up $300 after gulletising 5.3 lbs of wings.

While the full results, and indeed the names of all the competitors, are still awaited, it seems that Jim 'Not the Singer' Reeves came fourth with 4.13 lbs of wings under his belt while 'Big' Brian Subich came fifth ahead of sixth-placed Eric 'Badlands' Booker.

Thanks to interwebular sources, we can confirm that top dude triathelete Yasir 'the Doggy Bag' Salem also took part in the eating.

We're just not sure where he placed.

Ditto Larell Marie Mele, who we are pretty sure also competed.


BUFFALO BUFFET BOWL BONAZA
What we do kinda know almost for sorta certain is that just 22 hours earlier Jaws also scooped the $1,000 first prize spot in the Buffalo Buffet Bowl event at the very same National Buffalo Wing Festival.

Rather than being an all-you-can-eat gobathon, this particular event, in the words of the blurb on the Major League Eating (MLE) website, involved "the greatest eaters in the world [facing] off against five pounds of various examples of Buffalo cuisine".

"First to finish wins."

Living on this side of the Atlantic, we have know idea what exactly constitutes "Buffalo cuisine", although it probably consists of a lot of grass and maybe a few ferns.

Perhaps the odd dandelion and dock leaf as well.

Either way, it appears that in a perfect rehearsal for how things would play out in the Wing Eating Championship the Black Widow picked up $500 for coming second and the Lovely $250 for coming third.

As no one seems to have so far announced the official results of the Buffet Bowl either, we again still don't know who all the competitors were nor even what times the top three achieved.

However, we do know that Patrick 'Deep Dish' Bertoletti, who we understand did not enter the event this year, scooped the 2011 first prize with a winning time of just five minutes and three seconds.

Obvisiously, in terms of actual news that's pretty irrelevant but by throwing it in there we come across as dead clever while hopefully distracting you from yet another fact-shaped hole in our coverage.

Paris, by the way, is the capital of France.


GET YER KOK OUT
Another great way to smudge over the lack of substance in a media report is to wheel in some two-bit rent-a-gob quote machine who you then palm off as being some kind of 'expert' or 'authority'.

Not that we would ever do such a thing.

"I know I've been banging on about Matt 'Megatoad' Stonie a lot lately, but fair play to Joey Chestnut," says Rake & Herald fashion editor, London cabbie and self-appointed competitive eating pundit Kok Wang, "he's fackin' amazin'."

"How many victories is that now this year?"

"Bleedin' bucketfuls."

"He's a walking gullet."

"A man-sized gannet with hollow legs who could quite literally eat the competition for breakfast."

"Not that I'm implying he's a cannibal or nothin'."

"But just imagine it if he was."

"What a fackin' great film that'd make!"

"Kinda like Silence of the Lambs but faster and messier."

"Perhaps he could go round and eat a village."

"Setting new world records as he does so."


HALL OF FLAME
But Jaws, who we need to stress is not a cannibal and never has been, is not the only person deserving of a pat on the back.

"Congratulations are also in order to the Black Widow, Badlands and boater-wearing MLE chairman and co-founder George Shea for being inducted into the Buffalo Wing Hall of Flame the other day," Kok continues right on cue.

"I don't really know what any of that means but it sounds good and I see they also join the likes of Bill Murray, who was inducted last year and whose 2001 movie Osmosis Jones, this press release in front of me says, 'provided the inspiration' for the National Buffalo Wing Festival in the first place."

"Can't say as I've seen it but he was great in The Royal Tenenbaums."

"And The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou."

"Fack! He'd probably make a shit hot cannibalistic competitive eater as well, come to think of it."

"What you reckon, Bill?"

"Up for it or what?"

"For an extra 20 quid I'll even let you write it and direct it."

"But it's gotta be cash, all right?"


The Rake & Herald loves competitive eating, the greatest sport on Earth. So why not have a root round our society section (which covers everything from sport and fashion to crime and economics) to read more of our award-worthy coverage? Go on. It's completely free. Here, have a read of our Seventh Annual Nugget World Rib Eating Championship report for starters. And while we're on the subject, are you a competitive eater that would be up for an interview? If so, send us an email and we'll get on the case right away.




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