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EATING & DRINKING

Beer 'n' gravy 'n' mind-blowing chilli

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted February 19, 2014
chuck from the brox necks beer and gravy
Chuck's chug: It's hard to find glases that hold over three litres. © Chuck from the Bronx

It's a well known fact that beer pairs well with many foods. Such as three pints of turkey gravy. All mixed together and then necked in under five minutes.


Without wanting to sound like some old fuddy-duddy with 801 sticks up me ass, I'm not too sure I'm totally down with this nekromancynominationalisationalism malarkey or whatever it's called.

I've learnt from bitter experience that drinking a serious amount of alcohol very quickly can throw you head-first into some right deep shit.

And I don't mean the you'll-never-guess-what-you-did-last-night-it-was-so-funny-I-can't-believe-you-did-that-tee-hee kinda stuff neither.

I mean really serious heavy shit.

Blue-lights-flashing-banned-from-the-pub-I'll-never-f--king-talk-to-you-again-in-my-life-if-you-ever-wake-up-you-total-f--king-c--t variety.

What's more, it can also end in death.

Totally-pointless-waste-of-a-life death.

Not the merciful-blessed-release sort.

OK?


CHEER FROM THE BRONX
That said, when two of the Rake & Herald's core remits, viz booze and competitive eating, collide like Jupiter and Saturn we simply have to sit up and take notice.

Especially when the collision takes place in the gob of stateside YouTube challengemeister Chuck from the Bronx.

But the collision in question?

Just three US pints (1.4 litres) of "delicious thick" turkey gravy and four 12-oz (355 ml) cans of 4.2% Michelob Ultra lager.

Oh, and half a pint of 40% vodka to boot.

Not that I advise downing any spirits in quantity rapidly, even if you are André the Giant.

Which I'm pretty sure you're not regardless of whether you think you are.

In fact, it would be a gross dereliction of duty were I not to state categorically and unequivocally that the Rake & Herald does not advise you, yes YOU, our cherished and beloved readers, to repeat, recreate or otherwise emulate any of the following videos whether alone, in company, in front of a camera, at home or ANYWHERE BLOODY ANYWHERE EVER.

Got that?

Good.

You have been warned and the Rake & Herald will NOT be held culpable if you disregard our warnings and then do something totally f--king stupid and/or fatal.

Kapeesh?

Now sit back and watch Chuck chug the lot in under 5 minutes with no reversal in sight.

Chuck chugs but he does not chuck.




ERE, WAZZON UP DEVON, ME LOVER?
But while we know full well here at the Rake & Herald that Chuck is certainly not averse to mixing up and then swallowing huge beery behemoths that would turn a Bigfoot's belly inside out, where the hell did he find his inspiration for that one?

Devon, me 'ansom.

Yep, that bit of England that borders Cornwall, the former Celtic kingdom and spiritual home of the Rake & Herald that gave the world the pasty, stargazy pie, the Davy lamp and crabs.

For up there in the frozen North across the Tamar – where it snows in winter and they eat with a knife and fork – there dwells a particular foodfighting force known unto all as the Devonshire Idiot & Co and who, legend and lore attests, 'neknominated' Chuck, but only having first taken on their own beer and gravy challenge in those most bitter and barren Arctic wastes beyond the reach of the subtropical sunshine that bequeaths the Cornish motherland the longest growing season in the Sceptred Isles of Saxons, Celts and Danes and Picts.

And if you think that's an exaggeration, just watch them freeze their nipples off as they chug for Westcountry glory.

Just don't go squallin' when meddy hocks 'is bleddy crib up, mind.




THE NORTH BLOODY POLE
But from where or from whom did our fearless Devonshire friends draw their inspiration?

Even further north if such a thing be true.

To wit the daylight-starved permafrost and tundra on which the fabled Essex Animal does roam, I'll have you know.

However, as I can't seem to find the video in question on his YouTube channel, I'll just have to pass that one by and instead head swiftly yonder to the icebergs of Southampton, home to the woolly mammoth-slaying Dude! Where's My Challenge? tribe, a tight-knit team of alimentary adventurers who modern-day archaeologists have determined kicked off this whole shebang of boozy competitive eating with an 89% Absinthe and Source chilli sauce challenge to rattle the bones of the dead and dearly departed.

And given that the said Source sauce is claimed by its makers to be "the hottest extract on Earth", notching up at a stonking 7.1m Scoville heat units, this is not a mouth joust to be dismissed out of hand.

Heck, even 'Asbestos Mouth' Aaron 'the Spicochist' Wakamatsu, who seemingly brushes his gnashers with Moruga Scorpions dipped in Ghost Pepper oil, would have to concede that this Source stuff could bloody well blow the bollocks off a big brute whale at 40 paces.

Consequently, brace yourself for a second reversal of fortune.

Bronx nil, Blighty two.

Bugger.

Looks like we lost on the not-losing-your-lunch front.

I know.

Anyone for cricket?

Chuck, how are your googlies?




The above vids are each embedded here on the Rake & Herald from the respective YouTube channels of Chuck from the Bronx; the Devonshire Idiot & Co; and Dude! Where's My Challenge?. Apologies to the Essex Animal and your good reading selves for not being able to find his vid, but please have a scoot round his YouTube channel nonetheless. Oh, and as Dude Where's My Challenge? warned, DO NOT TRY ANY OF THIS YOURSELF. I know that sounds f--king boring but booze can be a big-time bastard beyond bloody belief for all concerned when its blasted like a bullet to your brain. Bummer, eh? Anyway, I'll fetch the stumps. You bring the bat.


See also Chuck's fish and dog food delight, posted 3/2/14.


Sandi Toxic
was raised by wolves inside a disused clay pit near Lanjeth. You can befriend her on FaceBook here. She is still quite feral.


WARNING! Competitive eating can be dangerous. As well as choking hazards there is also the possibility of poisoning yourself, something that could lead to hospitalisation, permanent health damage and even death. Don't believe us? Read this. Consequently, the Rake & Herald does not recommend you emulate the above video(s) yourself. Seriously. We are NOT joking. You have been warned.



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