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Badlands crowned cannoli king

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted September 13, 2012
eric badlands booker wins cannoli contest in new york
Cannoli: Creamy tubes of Italian-style calories. (Check bottom for credit)

Rap sensation Eric 'Badlands' Booker has won the 2012 San Gennaro World Cannoli Eating Championship in Noi Yoik, Noi Yoik, US of A.

Sadly, from where we were sitting, some 3,000 miles away on the other side of a massive great ocean, we were unable to see just how many of these traditional Sicilian creamy fried dough things1 Badlands consumed.

However, from looking at the Twitter feeds of Rake & Herald follower and triathlete extraordinaire Yasir 'the Doggy Bag' Salem, Badlands and Major League Eating (MLE), it would seem that the chow down was close.

Very close.

In fact, if we've read the feeds right, the contest came down to a two-man two-cannoli eat-off between Badlands and Doggy Bag after they each managed to scoff 19 of the sugary sweet blighters in the allotted six minutes.

After congratulating Badlands, Doggy Bag stated: "That was close. I have a massive sugar high!"

Of course, he didn't tell us that in person but if we phrase it correctly, it kinda sounds like he did.

Mind you, if we print Badlands reply, viz "Congrats back to you too bro. Had fun eating with u today", it becomes patently obvious that we are simply quoting what they wrote on Twitter, which sorta gives the game away and spoils the illusion that the media is all-knowing and never grasps at straws to fill a hole.


Anyway, as you may well have sussed from the above, the full results are still awaited at the mo, although it appears that the all-you-can-eat gobathon in Little Italy to mark the Feast of San Gennaro also saw digestional deftness from Kevin 'LA Beast' Strahle and culture editor DJ NRG Raver's favourite gurgitator Crazy Legs Conti.

We're kinda assuming that there were other gulletisers present but as yet we haven't a clue who they were.

Mind you, registration for the event was a bit tight time-wise, with MLE only announcing the contest's existence five days ago.

Consequently, we are led to believe that a number of gurgitators were unable to attend at such relatively short notice, although we understand that legendary alimentary athlete Ed 'Cookie' Jarvis was one of the judges.

However, when MLE did announce the munch fest they did so characteristically well.

"This is a contest that has launched many MLE careers," they said on their website.

"It is epic."

"It is Italia."

"It is down home."

"It is Booker."

"It is Akwa."

"It is DKNY."

"It is an event with no prize."

"Unless you consider worldwide celebrity and acclaim to be of worth."

I'm going to add a bit more detail, or "colour" as our new MBA-head marketing manager Randy Gutstick III likes to annoyingly put it, in a few minutes "going forward", so stay tuned for an update or something.

But first I've gotta get down the offie before it shuts.

They're doing a special on cheap Scotch.

Right, gotta go.

But back in a bit probably.


Well, I'm back from the offie with a few bottles of well ropey gold watch they were flogging off for a fiver a litre.

Result, eh?

Talking of which, MLE has now twittery tweet tweeted what appears to be the official full-time scores from Little Italy.

And here they are (including the two-man two-cannoli eat-off between Badlands and Doggy Bag):

1) Eric 'Badlands' Booker (22);

2) Yasir 'the Doggy Bag' Salem (21);

3) Kevin 'LA Beast' Strahle (18);

4) Crazy Legs Conti (17);

5) Larell Marie 'the Real Deal' Mele (15);

6) Timothy 'Tomahawk' Connelly (11); and

7) Crescenzo 'Australian Flight Attendant' Rillo (8).

Hats off to all who crossed creamy oesophageal swords today/yesterday depending on what time zone you're in.

Anyway, it's gone midnight here and I'm gasping.

Now, where's that bottle of flat cola gone?

Honestly, I'll be glad when everyone's back from holiday.

They're all a pain in the arse to work with but at least the fridge'll be full of Special Brew again.


1) Yeah, I had to look 'cannoli' up on Wikipedia to find out what they are 'cos they don't sell 'em round my way. Although given that Wikipedia can be as reliable as a surrealist's wrist watch they might actually be fibreglass artichokes filled with lizard livers for all I know.

Picture credit

Top and thumb: Some cannoli on sale at the 2009 Feast of San Gennaro in Noi Yoik by Jazz Guy.

For licensing information click the above link.

(Update 14/9/12)

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