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A Deep Dish and a Wing Bowl

By editorial assistant Sandi Toxic

Posted January 30, 2015
deep dish wins wing bowl
Bloody hacks: A journalist prevents Deep Dish from grabbing a beer earlier. © Wing Bowl/CBS

Deep Dish wins Wing Bowl XXIII with new contest record; Molly Schuyler second; Notorious B.O.B. third.

The Rake & Herald's all-time favourite unicorn enthusiast Patrick 'Deep Dish' Bertoletti has gobbled his way to glory at today's (30/1/15) Wing Bowl XXIII speedscarfing spectacular at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States of A.

Picking up a cool $10,000 (£6,651), a gold medal, a well bling ring and a 2015 Harley Davidson FLSTF Softail Fat Boy Motorcycle, whatever that is, the former Major League Eating (MLE) number two narrowly pipped last year's winner, the flippin' fantastic Molly Schuyler, at the post, gulletising a new contest record of 444 formerly feathered fowl flappers over three rounds with a combined time of 30 minutes to Molly's 440.

Furthermore, from what we read here, it appears that Deep Dish, who finished a close second in last year's gladiatorial engobulation engagement, "came from six wings down in the final two-minute speed round" to ultimately claim top gong and a crown that would not look out of place at a British royal wedding.

Then he said he wanted a beer.

And who could blame him?

After all, beer is ace and goes very well with chicken.

It's also very nice with crisps, whiskey and kebabs.

And crisps.

Anyway, while Molly may have lost her Wing Bowl robes of office for now, she also scooped wedge worth ten large local for her heroic heroics, which similarly saw her topping the previous record of 363 aeronautical appendages that she herslef set 12 months ago.

Whether she also wanted a beer afterwards remains unclear, although we here at the Rake & Herald can confirm that Bob 'Notorious B.O.B.' Shoudt wolfed his way through either 280 or 289 wings, depending on who you want to believe, to come third and land the local winner prize: a Chrysler 300, which we assume is some kind of car.

Although it might be a van as we have recently established that, contrary to popular belief on this side of the Pond, Americans do have vans.

More on that story here.

But now back to Wing Bowl.

While we haven't got a clue who won the prize for top college eater, the ever excellent Eat Feats reports that Kate from Royersford was named Wingette of the Year, a title that earned her $5,000 and a five-person hot tub.

Which is like a big bath you can wash your leg in.

And your face.

Meanwhile, David 'Tiger Wings & Things' Brunelli boshed 260 flight fin things to finish fourth ahead of Deep Dish's Glutton Force Five/Taco in a Bag business partner Tim 'Gravy' Brown, who scoffed 219 while wearing a particularly fetching silver jump suit.

As for us, we'll right now start mithering some of the gallant gurgitators for a few quotes and then get back to you, yes YOU, our cherished and beloved readers, just as soon as we've bagged us some answers.

Or failing that we'll just do what all the big papers do and make stuff up.

But first, I am now contractually obliged to hand over the mic to Rake & Herald fashion editor, London cabbie and self-appointed competitive eating pundit Kok 'Bloody Wang.

So, Kok, some interesting results there.

Any thoughts?



More on that later.

Now, though, here's the top 10 as far as we could make out from having a look round Eat Feats and CBS Philly.

1) Patrick 'Deep Dish' Bertoletti (444 chicken wings in 30 minutes; $10,000; a medal; a ring; and a motorbike);

2) Molly Schuyler (440; $10,000);

3) Bob 'Notorious B.O.B.' Shoudt (280 or 289; a car or a van);

4) David 'Tiger Wings & Things' Brunelli (260);

5) Tim 'Gravy' Brown (219);

=6) Kevin "Quazy" Ambs (123);

=6) Breandan 'Skin & Bones' Lyman (123);

8) El Clownador (which may or may not be Sean 'Flash' Gordon) (113);

9) Monty 'Moe Train' Wiradilaga (107); and

10) Mr 'Matt & Cheese' Matt & Cheese (96).

NB. As far as we can work out from our luxury pad beneath the Great Sphinx in Egypt, a) there were a load more competitors than that (but we don't know their names) and b) only the top five ate in the second and third rounds (of 14 minutes and two minutes, respectively).

Or something.

Fuck knows.


Anyway, here's a couple of vids we've embedded on the food-fighting-tastic Rake Herald from the official Wing Bowl website, where you can also watch a shedload more just by clicking this.

Wicked, eh?

Right, gotta go.

I'm getting the shakes big time.

Bloody hell, I need a pint.

See also Molly wins Wing Bowl XXII, posted 31/1/14; Wing Bowl: The eaters' perspective, posted 7/2/14; and Wing Bowl results: WIP statement, posted 11/2/14.

Meanwhile, to understand why Sandi and Kok have been absent from your computer screens for the past six months, make sure you read this.

Sandi Toxic
was raised by wolves inside a disused clay pit near Lanjeth. You can befriend her on FaceBook here. She is still quite feral.

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